To Joan and Pauline, from Serene (Response to Pink Dot First Video 2016, Part 1)

https://www.facebook.com/lovexenos/posts/823743147760873

Hi ladies, I'm Serene. I do not know you personally but I know the two of you in my personality and in my past.

I am bubbly like Pauline, laughing loudly with no concern: )

I was depressed and lonely like Joan, until I let Jesus into my life nearly 10 years ago.

Joan, I didn't know what you went through or are still going through but I went through a major depression and like you, I contemplated suicide.

In fact, I attempted suicide and ended up in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). With tubes all over me to monitor my progress after pumping out the toxic medicine in my stomach, I saw my family members. For the first time in my life, I saw the tears in their eyes and realized that this life is not my own. I do not have the right to end this life which my Lord gave me.

My mother died with no goodbye. My family was no longer the same. I wanted to be with my mother who was my world. I wanted my imperfect family back. I needed not just my dad but also my mum.

Attempting suicide was my desperate cry for help. I knew something was very wrong in my life. Yet, suicide can never get me what I want nor is a solution to challenges in life. Suicide only hurt the people who love me.

I have a University friend who did not agree with the way I lived my life after my mum's death at 19 years old. She was there for me, just like Pauline is to you, Joan. I thank God for the beautiful friendship between Pauline and you.

None of my friends agree with my wayward ways before I received Christ. Does love equals agreement in life issues, especially when it is homosexuality that comes with great and divine consequences?

How many times have family members, friends or colleagues quarrelled with one another simply because each of us is unique and thus have differing viewpoints? Does that mean we don't love one another?

What exactly does God say about homosexuality and other sins? I'm sure you know. How does our heart deceive us? Do we know?

Are our desires greater than obedience to our holy God?

Jesus is our Hero who saved us from our sins, sanctifies us daily and gives us His Spirit to lead a transformed life.

No man is our hero. That is exaltation of man. Our courage comes from our Lord. We are nothing apart from Him.

Courage is not coming out and giving yourself a label 'lesbian'. Pauline, you are not a label but a person of great worth. I pray you first acknowledge this deep in your heart. No one can convince us of how precious we are except our Creator.

Everyone deserves acceptance but not every behaviour is accepted to progress as a nation.

A parent will always accept a child but will not accept the child's behaviour of smoking simply because smoking harms the child's health.

Pauline and Joan, there is no straight ally or straight people. There is no LGBT community.

We are all one community, people who are broken, needing the mercy and grace of God to be extraordinary.

We are all human beings made in God's image, destined to lead a transformed life in Christ.

Let our Lord Jesus Christ illuminate your mind and heart.

Thank you for reading this note, truly from the love of a stranger.

Shalom,
Serene

The stark difference between light and darkness

On 10 April, Sunday, I read the shocking and depressing news of our teenage boys paying for sex. Though I know it's now common for people to have premarital sex starting from teenage years, it was still shocking that they actually pay for it, treat sex like a game of tennis...
For 3 days, I had this prompting to write in but I only obeyed on the third day.
I was thinking, maybe others would write in; people more qualified than me...
It is always a big project to write in, with me sitting in front of the computer for a few hours...
3 days of rationalizing why I didn't need to write in.
Or rather 3 days of disobedience to God's voice.
After I wrote in, I had a great sense of relief.
My Lord has taught me to write and then surrender to Him as to whether it would be published or not.
Yes, good.
No, it is always a good practice, carry on.
In both cases, there is great impetus to write better each time. I am learning to sincerely thank God for each letter, instead of beating myself up for not writing better on hindsight.
To do that is to belittle the Holy Spirit in me, who enabled me to write each letter.
I will always improve, even if it is not as fast as I want.
My language is simple but God has assured me that in my simple language, I bring a clear message across.
While I may bemoan that I don't write as beautifully or as expressively as others, this is me, my language, my style of writing, my code.
This time round is interesting.
1. I took 3 days to obey. Why wait for others to write in? Everyone must have thought the same thing. This world becomes darker when each light tries to hide.
2. When the letter was published, it was like a face-off with him.
3. I learnt lessons about light and darkness, about obeying God. Delayed obedience is disobedience :(

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-in-print/rethink-what-we-teach-teens-about-sex

When I saw him at a meeting last year, he recognized me but we are now of different camps.
I thank God that I am now in the light.
The things I see now, I never knew before.
I felt very sad that he has gone far, that it is a point of no return unless he opens his heart to receive Christ.
The whole issue about casual sex is not about stigmatizing people.
It's about wrong behaviours with dire consequences.
People in the dark take offence/issues personally because they know subconsciously that something is wrong with their behaviour.
They are blind or in denial of the root causes of problems, patching holes instead of renewing the mind.
They attribute personal responsibility to others, seeing themselves as victims rather than conquerors over life issues.
There is loss of control in darkness where diseases abound.
Light shows off self-control that gives life.
The stark difference between light and darkness is portrayed in these two letters.
Nothing to do with the writers but the God in me and the god who is he.
I have never stopped praying for him and his organization.
I know my God will bring back His lost sheep.

Debunk the myths of love and sex

I agree with Singapore Children's Society chief executive Alfred Tan that "we have to start talking about sexuality issues with our children, to let them know what's right and what's wrong, when they are as young as possible" ("More teenage boys paying for sex: Study"; last Sunday).

The children of today will listen only when they are convinced by what they have been taught.

Our culture, through movies, dramas, magazines, pornography, music and the arts, has taught us that having casual sex is a romantic experiment that has no consequences.

It is no wonder that there are more myths than facts about love and sex.

Virginity is seen as unacceptable and to be mocked at, manhood is equated with sexual conquest, not having a girlfriend is seen as weird and having multiple partners is deemed charming ("Allure of paid sex for teenage boys" and "Sexuality education 'helps cut infection rate' "; both published last Sunday).

The result is peer pressure to conform, and there is loss of face and friends if one does not.

Parents, as the primary communicators of sexuality with their children, should be alert to all these trends affecting their children.

How does one take a stand and refuse to succumb to negative peer pressure?

How equipped and open are parents to address the needs and genuine questions of their children towards sex?

Do condoms solve the emotional issues surrounding sex?

The psychological and physical damage caused to our young through casual sex cannot be underestimated. Other consequences include abortion and children born out of wedlock.

Social costs are also incurred to help unwed mothers and to treat sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

A man in his prime should not be infected with an STD that affects his studies, career, family and the nation as a whole.

It is time we stepped up sexuality education that empowers our children to say "no" to premarital sex with full conviction.

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-in-print/debunk-the-myths-of-love-and-sex

Engage our young better in fast-changing world

The world may change, but the facts regarding premarital sex do not ("World has changed, so have attitudes towards sex" by Mr Allein Godfrey Moore; Forum Online, March 3).

We live in a highly sexualised world, where sex is now degraded as a matter of lust and emotions.

Once sex is divorced from the security, commitment, communal support and procreational capacity found in the union of marriage, the family as the basic building block of society is weakened.

I agree with the writer that it is our duty as adults, especially of parents, to protect our children "from the consequences of foolish actions in all aspects of life".

Our children deserve better than to give in to their hormones.

Self-control is practised for the sake of the larger society and for individuals. Our children have always been taught self-control in how they manage their temperament and how to relate to others.

It is a timeless virtue that will develop them to be responsible adults in work and life later on.

If we perceive that teenagers are incapable of self-control in the area of sex and we, as adults, model such behaviour, it is no wonder that our young give in to their impulses.

Learning about sex through the Internet does more harm than good. Even adults have problems discerning the reliability of online sources. It can even expose our young to online sexual predators, sexual grooming and abuse.

I agree with Mrs Shelen Ang that there is a more urgent need today for parents to teach their children self-protection through discernment skills ("Parents play key role in kids' sexuality education"; Feb 20).

As she pointed out, "the father and mother play unique and indispensable roles in their child's sexual development and in teaching about relationships with the same and opposite sex".

In the natural order of attachment, it begins with mutual knowledge, followed by trust, reliance, commitment and touch, in that order.

A dating relationship becomes more stable when communication is emphasised and sex is delayed. Finding other ways to build the relationship ensures that it is not built on sex alone.

Boy-girl relationship issues are among top contributing factors in youth suicide. Sexual activity creates emotional bonds that create unnecessary stress to our teenagers in forging healthy relationships.

As parents and concerned adults, let us create a loving and open environment where our young will not hesitate to come to us for guidance and help.

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-on-the-web/engage-our-young-better-in-fast-changing-world

Parental consent for abortions protects their children

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

In his Chinese New Year message, Prime Minister Mr Lee said that the Government will continue to support Singaporeans "in the many responsibilities and joys of parenthood" ("Family an important building block of society"; Channel News Asia, 7 Feb). How can parents exercise responsibility for their children when parental consent is not required if their child under the the age of 18 wishes to have an abortion? ("Restore parental consent for abortions for under-18s"; 25 Feb, "Unwise to require parental consent for abortions"; 29 Feb).  

Most parents love their children and discipline them for their best interests at heart. When parents learn that their child is pregnant, it is natural that parents would be disappointed, angry and even feel that they have failed in their roles as parents.  In the best parent-child relationship, the child may not voluntarily discuss the issue of abortion as she does not want to disappoint or burden her parents. Guilt, fear and shame push the child away from her parents, leaving her feeling alone and helpless. Even the best counsellor cannot provide the sense of security, vital support and comfort that only parents can provide. Without parental consent for abortions for under-18s, parents are kept in the dark about their child's predicament and the child makes a rash decision without considering other alternatives like raising the child up with the support of her parents or giving the child up for adoption. 

Abortion is an invasive surgical procedure that can cause common complications like bleeding and infection, and more serious ones include injury to the womb and surrounding organs. Various studies also show that abortion negatively affects women's mental health, contributes to maternal mortality, increases the risk of breast cancer and the risk of miscarriage. Considering the implications of abortion on a child's present and future health, which parent would not have regrets upon knowing their child's abortion later on? Furthermore, parents know about their child's medical history which the child may not know, remember or be willing to share. If parents are unaware of their child's abortion, they cannot help to monitor their child's post-abortion psychological health or post-procedure complications.  

In cases where there is alleged sexual abuse, they are best assessed by an objective third party with the help of a counsellor. Parental consent would include an exception to allow the girl to apply confidentially to court to bypass the requirement. Where there is imminent danger of family violence, an expedited personal protection order can be obtained from the Family Court within a day without a prolonged trial. In any case, laws should not be built on exceptions.

No woman goes for an abortion feeling empowered. Abortion does not get rid of problems. It kills another life and scars the woman for life.