CULTURE

In Singapore, we must choose life

by Serene Ho | 29 August 2017, 4:57 PM

“Father, can You take this burden away from me?”

With my hands clasped tightly and my head bowed down, tears fell in fat drops onto my hand while my mind struggled to understand what was happening to my body. I was trembling at the Burning Hearts prayer room as Jennifer Heng asked us to stand in repentance for our lawmakers and leaders for passing the Abortion Bill in 1969.

“Abortion stands for death. Every successful abortion is only successful because there is death.”

Jennifer’s words rang in my head.

“Abortion stands for death. Every successful abortion is only successful because there is death. It is absolute death versus absolute life.”

When I learnt that Burning Hearts has committed every first Wednesday of the month to praying for the culture oflife – as opposed to death even before birth – to be established in Singapore, I was ecstatic.

This monthly meeting feels like an answer to the cry of my heart.

“When is abortion justifiable? If our premise is circumstantial, there is no end to the debate. As Christians, our premise is God’s truth. That will not change,” Jennifer continued.

The truth is, an innocent life is lost with each abortion.

Why is building a culture of life the burden of some Christians but not of the Church? Is God not interested in life and death issues? Didn’t He ask the Israelites to choose life, that both they and their descendants may live, to love, obey and cling to Him, for He is their life and the length of their days? (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

In her work with women who had abortion, Jennifer shared, not one said that their life had become better after abortion. They did not feel empowered, as pro-choice literature would want us to believe. On the contrary, they felt that they had no choice but to abort.

Ours is a Life-giving God. We need to repent of our apathy towards women who are suffering in silence. We need to repent that as a Church, we shirk that responsibility of loving the most vulnerable members of our society: The unborn.

At 5 weeks, your circulatory system is beginning to form and your tiny heart will start to beat.

At 6 weeks, your nose, mouth and ears are starting to take shape, and the intestines and brain are beginning to develop.

At 7 weeks, you have tiny hands and feet.

By 11 weeks, you are almost fully formed. You are kicking, stretching, and even hiccupping as your diaphragm develops.

But somehow, in Singapore, you can still be legally killed up to the point you are 24 weeks in the womb, because we are one of the countries in the world with the most liberal abortion laws.

Since 1970, when the Abortion Bill was passed, how many hundreds – thousands – of babies were sacrificed because of fear, helplessness and benefits? At its peak, in 1986, a total of 23,035 babies – 37.51% of pregnancies in the country – were aborted. More than a third of babies in the womb didn’t get a chance to fight to see the light of life that year.

Is my education, career, reputation or convenience more important than this child in my womb, such that I can sacrifice him to remain status quo?

There is a deafening silence with regard to abortion, not only in Church but also among the ministers. We don’t know how to deal with it.

What happens when a pregnant teenager comes to the Church, seeking help? Will we rain down judgment and let her go away in shame? Or will we embrace her, support her in her difficult circumstances before we say, “Go and sin no more”? (John 8:11)

Someone once asked me, “What is the greatest gift of God in your life?”

For me, it’s this second chance I’m getting at life. I nearly died – that’s another story for another day – but now live in and for Christ.

Maybe that explains why my heart aches at the thought that people might intentionally take their own lives, or the lives of others.

There is a deafening silence in the Church with regard to abortion. We don’t know how to deal with it.

At the prayer room, some of us went up to be prayed over by the youths who were at the prayer room. As a young lady prayed for me, my heart wanted to cry out: “I should be praying that you take over from here.”

My prayer is that more youths will take up the baton in the fight for life. Those of us who say we embrace the commission to spread the gift of eternal life should be passionate about contending for life itself.

http://thir.st/blog/in-singapore-we-must-choose-life

A Beautiful Mind in Christ

About 1.2 per cent of the local adult population suffer from bipolar disorder in their lifetime, according to a 2010 Singapore Mental Health Study (SMHS).  From 2012 to 2014, the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) saw an annual average of 1,200 patients with the condition.

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

There are four basic types of bipolar disorder; all of them involve clear changes in mood, energy, and activity levels. These moods range from periods of extremely “up,” elated, and energized behavior (known as manic episodes) to very sad, “down,” or hopeless periods (known as depressive episodes).

Coming out now as one who was diagnosed with this condition eighteen years ago, is not easy. Two weeks ago, I lamented with a few friends that I would rather not have this past. A friend reminded me that God can redeem everything. Indeed, as Ray C.Stedman said, "On the cross, Jesus paid the debt we could not pay, and He redeemed us from slavery to sin, death, and Satan." If God can use my past to help another person to write a better present and future, every tear that I had shed, every relationship that I had lost, is worth it. 

I would like to reiterate the following points:

1. Though I still take the minimal dosage of one tablet every night, I believe that I have been healed by God. I have no relapses since I received Christ in the year 2006. God can use medication/doctors to help us and in His time, God will also reveal His ultimate plan on this. While medication can stabilize a medical condition, only God can give us the meaning of life. I remembered declaring thrice in front of would-be pharmacists, that it is my faith that helped me in my recovery. There is no denying of this fact.       

2. I had the most patient psychiatrist who believed in me. Because he would not be angry with my tantrums and self-righteousness during the onset of my condition, I had no choice but to cooperate with him. His therapy was his humor and his wisdom in differentiating what my personality traits are and what is abnormal. I remembered telling him enthusiastically, "Doctor, doctor, I have received Christ!" and to my surprise, he said calmly, "I'm also a Christian." Imagine my shock at how God had put him strategically in my life, unknowingly to me. 

3. The diagnosis of mental weakness is merely for treatment. It was never and it is not my identity, just like having a disability is not who I am as a person. Now I know, that I am a precious child of God, wanted and useful to Him. Now I have a moral compass, a living Manual, a final destination, a Cheerleader in me, cheering me all the way on this journey called Life. I am not alone. I will not be lonely anymore, come what may.

4. Brilliant and famous people were thought to have Bipolar disorder. World renowned Dutch post-impressionist painter Vincent Van Gogh ultimately committed suicide with a self-inflicted gunshot wound at age 37. Until recently, I did not know that people chase after the highs in the manic episode, by indulging in drugs and alcohol and not taking the required medication. God created us to have talents and spiritual gifts. I do not need the fake highs because I have the genuine love and joy of God to be constantly victorious in Him. I do not need to be sick in order to excel.

5. Mental weakness is a manifestation of our deepest longings and fears. In the deepest recesses of our hearts lie these issues:

-The yearnings to love and be loved, to know and be known

-Who am I? What am I here for? What can I do? (our identity)

-Dysfunctional ways in relating to self and others

-Eustress and distress, ways of overcoming the challenges in life

-Lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and pride of life

-etc

Like suicide, mental weakness is caused by a variety of factors. Don't shortchange ourselves and others by magnifying our agenda. While the society can and should do its part in accepting people who are facing difficulties in life, each one of us is responsible for our mental health. There is restoration, if only we seek it earnestly.

6. Know that this too is a spiritual warfare. The mind is the battlefield. Who wins? God or Satan? Jesus has won two thousand years ago and victory is already His. The word of God is my antidote. Any moment that I do not have Christ in my mind, it would be I, me and myself. As long as I cling to Him, I have assurance that I have His victory. Self-care is extremely important, for EVERYONE, not just for some people, perceived to be weak. I thank God that I can sleep very well now. I am now serene in Him.

I love this, "We can choose to reject our bitter experiences and flaws, to wish and will them away, to regret, to pine, and to live in the land of “If only…” We can disguise with false-self personas, cover up with defences, distract with busyness.

Or we can choose to see these experiences for what they are: our golden seams.

The times when we get scratched, chipped, cracked and broken can feel totally shitty, but there can also be a strange beauty in the way we process them and the lessons we take from them afterwards… if we want.

Our experiences don’t define us, but they do influence us. We can decide to hide, or we can decide to embrace these experiences that have shaped us in some small way, the experiences to which we’ve applied our own special coating of gold-laced resin. We can decide to cover up, or we can decide to walk out into the world as ourselves, mended breaks and all."

http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/japanese-pottery-can-teach-us-feeling-flawed/

I hope my story encourages you. It is normal to be weak, for we are made strong in Christ. Please feel free to email me at loveastranger2016@gmail.com if I can be of any help.

Shalom and Jesus bless you! :D

Free to choose but not free from consequences

This letter was sent to The Straits Times Forum but was not published.

In my role as a mentor to teenagers, I seek to establish open communication with them. I learn to first offer a listening ear to their views before analyzing with them the pros and cons of every decision. They are free to make choices but they are not free from the consequences of their choices ("Promoting abstinence stifles potentially helpful discussions on sex"; 29 June). 

I stand with parents, teachers and counsellors in fostering this culture of mutual love and trust so that our young would feel safe to ask any question about sex or related issues. Open-mindedness and respect work both ways.

Parents as the primary communicators of sexuality with their children, should teach a holistic view of sexuality. They should teach their children to respect themselves and their bodies as intrinsically valuable. Sex should be valued and not treated casually. Teenagers need to see that modeled in their parents and those of adults whom they respect.  

There is no condemnation to those who face problems such as sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Grace and love abounds especially to those who are in need of help. Their value as precious individuals is independent of their sexual history. 

The community should step up in helping those who have been sexually abused and those who had been sexually active but are now seeking alternatives. They too, seek a restoration of their view on sexuality. 

The best gift parents can give to their children is the imparting of right moral values. These values can go against the cultural norms and may invite ridicule and isolation from peers. Our young need our every support to give them courage to stand firm on what they believe in. 

Don’t equate difference in opinions with discrimination

With regard to the recent debate over the call to remove an ad by Pink Dot organisers at a mall, a difference in opinion should not be equated with the discrimination of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people. Disapproval of a behaviour is not rejection of a person.

That the Pink Dot event is allowed to be held shows that discrimination does not exist. We have been most tolerant of it even if we do not agree on this matter. This annual event is increasingly dividing and polarising our society, and if organisers continue to push their agenda aggressively, the stronger the push back will be from conservative forces in our society.

It is disturbing that some people have alleged on social media that the decision made by the Advertising Standards Authority of Singapore (Asas) was religiously motivated.

Asas’ chairman, Professor Tan Sze Wee, has since clarified that decisions are made through voting. Does such an allegation mean that our government ministers with religious affiliations cannot carry out their portfolios objectively? Let us be mindful that the majority of Singaporeans follow a religion.

Original letter

During the 2007 Parliamentary debate on the repeal of S377A, PM Lee Hsien Loong said, "Singapore is basically a conservative society. The family is the building block of our society. It has been so and, by policy, we have reinforced this and we want to keep it so. And by "family" in Singapore, we mean one man one woman, marrying, having children and bringing up children within that framework of a stable family unit." 

The government recognizes the pre-political institution of marriage not because it is interested in the romantic relationships of adults but to support the right of every child to be raised by a father and a mother wherever possible. Not every couple has children but every child has a father and a mother. ("Reasons behind request to amend Pink Dot banner unfounded"; 15 June)

A 2014 Institute of Policy Studies survey found that 73 per cent of Singaporeans did not approve of same-sex marriage. Even 64 per cent of atheists disapprove of sexual relations between two adults of the same sex. 

It is disturbing that some people alleged on social media that the decision made by the Advertising Standards Authority of Singapore (ASAS) was religiously motivated. ASAS' Chairman, Professor Tan Sze Wee, has since clarified that decisions are made through voting.  Does that mean that our ministers with religious affiliations cannot carry out their portfolios objectively? Let us be mindful that 81.5% of Singaporeans have a religion.  

A difference in opinions should not be equated with discrimination. Our identity is first and foremost a person with intrinsic value. We do not go around defining ourselves by our sexual orientation. Our intimacy with others is not a measurement of our self-worth. Disapproval of a behaviour is not rejection of a person.

The fact that Pink Dot exists shows that discrimination does not exist. We have been most tolerant of what we do not agree on. Pink Dot is increasingly dividing and polarising our society and if it continues to push its agenda aggressively, the stronger will be the push back from conservative forces from our society. 

http://www.todayonline.com/voices/dont-equate-difference-opinions-discrimination

The right and need of a child to a father

This letter was sent to The Straits Times Forum, was edited and considered for publication, but was not published.

It is shocking to learn that around 10,000 children have been born to unmarried mothers over the past 10 years (“Time to do away with ‘illegitimacy’”; 13 May). 

Sex does not always make babies, but neither does it always make babies exactly according to our plans. It is a serious enterprise, to be engaged in only by those prepared to become mothers and fathers.
It is critical that we address the root issues by teaching the right values in sexuality education. The hardships faced by an unwed mother are real, a consequence that can be prevented by not engaging in premarital sex.

Who remembers the most important right and need of Lorraine, to be loved and cared for by her father? ("Unwed mum adopts own biological daughter"; May 11) What Lorraine needs most is a father’s love, far more than any material benefit. 

Using adoption to sever ties and to gain access to benefits the same as a married couple, suggests a loophole in the Adoption of Children Act. Singles should not be allowed to adopt children. ("Adopted children deserve the best family environment too"; Feb 9) 

The government’s interest in marriage is in ensuring that children have fathers and mothers who are involved in their lives. As the marriage culture collapses, child poverty and crime rise. Welfare spending bankrupts a country.

Single or unwed mothers should be made aware of their children’s rights under the law, and their ability to claim maintenance from the father of the child. 

Law and policy should neither send the message that fathers are irrelevant to the upbringing of the child, nor reflect the idea that child-rearing is solely the mother’s responsibility.
No citizen is automatically entitled to benefits from the Government. There is a difference between government benefits to incentivise public goods such as marriage and family and extension of welfare to mitigate social costs. The needs of single mothers are arguments for the latter. 

Adopting a child-focused approach helps to balance between supporting unwed mothers and supporting parenthood within marriages. 


Reply from Ministry of Social and Family Development

We thank Ms Lynne Tan Sok Hiang, Dr Lee Woon Kwang and the Association of Women for Action and Research for their letters (Legitimate or not, every child is important, May 15; All children deserve equal treatment, Forum Online, May 14 and; Time to do away with 'illegitimacy', Forum Online, May 13 , respectively).

We recognise the challenges that many unwed mothers face.

This is why, currently, all Singaporean children get to enjoy the entire suite of Government benefits that support their growth and development, regardless of the marital status of their parents.

The benefits include the Medisave grant for newborns, infant care and childcare subsidies and foreign domestic worker levy concession.

All Singaporean children also have access to social assistance, education and healthcare subsidies.

On top of these, the Child Development Account benefits and Government-Paid Maternity Leave were recently extended to include unwed mothers and their children.

Benefits such as the Baby Bonus Cash Gift and housing benefits are tied to the parent's marital status.

The benefits will not be extended even if an unwed mother adopts her own child, as they are meant to encourage parenthood within marriage.

Unwed mothers who require more support may approach any Social Service Office for financial assistance or Family Service Centre for socio-emotional support.

Unwed mothers do not benefit more from government policies and schemes even if they adopt their own children.

However, unwed mothers may seek to adopt their own children for personal reasons, such as to terminate the rights and responsibilities of the biological fathers and establish themselves as the sole parent.

This is a decision to be weighed carefully, factoring in the best interests of the child.

The effect of the adoption would mean that there is no longer a parental relationship between the child and his or her biological father.

The child would also not be able to seek maintenance from the father under the Women's Charter.

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-in-print/no-extra-perks-if-unwed-mums-adopt-own-children