Ensure measures are in place to address factors of domestic violence

I refer to the letter “To fight domestic violence, strive for gender equality” (Nov 9). Getting to the root of domestic violence is critical. But this case — where a man who strangled his wife was also clinically depressed and had experienced psychotic symptoms — there are other factors beyond gender equality at play.

According to news reports (“Chinese national, 61, gets 10 years’ jail for strangling wife”; Nov 3), the man had hallucinations and overvalued ideas of guilt and inadequacy.

The Institute of Mental Health report also noted that “the things said and done by the deceased provoked the accused in a sudden and substantial manner, which in conjunction with the accused’s altered state of mind, resulted in a significant loss of control over his actions”.

Violence should not be tolerated, but we cannot deny the many factors that give rise to it, and we should ensure that preventive and remedial measures are in place to address the various factors. In this case, the stress of not being able to find work here and the prospect of having to leave Singapore added to the mental burden on the man, as well as on the deceased. Were his friends or family alerted to his mental condition? If so, do they as foreigners here know where to seek help? How can we as the community show our concern to foreigners seeking to work here?

Men and women in Singapore have equal access to education and work opportunities. There are families where husbands choose to stay at home and wives choose to work outside the home. At the same time, there are wives comfortable being homemakers while their husbands provide for the family. I agree with the writer: In a marriage, the husband and a wife should mutually support each other.

They work as a team, complementing each other intellectually, socially and emotionally. A relationship is not a battleground over power, financial success and independence. It is a ground where a couple come to understand that they need each other.
http://m.todayonline.com/voices/ensure-measures-are-place-address-factors-domestic-violence

Choose life, not abortion

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

The silence on abortion and its effects on women has been broken by Jennifer Heng's honest baring of her past in 'Former wild child finds faith and new purpose', 8 Nov. 

Abortion was liberalised in 1969, purported "to promote the well-being of the woman and to avoid impairment of her health, in the interest of humanity and human progress".  Evidence from around the world has since indicated otherwise or at least undermined the assertion. Various studies have arisen, showing that abortion negatively affects women's mental health, contributes to maternal mortality, increases the risk of breast cancer and increases the risk of miscarriage.

Although the number of abortions in Singapore has been on the decline with 8,515 abortions last year, every child lost in an abortion is one too many. A child may be inside a woman's body but his or her body is a separate body from the mother's. The child is a person; a precious life.

No woman goes to an abortion clinic feeling empowered. She is facing a pregnancy crisis. When not presented with options available other than abortion, she feels like that is the only way. Just like Mrs Heng, every help is needed to engage a woman going through the crisis to make the best decision out of the circumstances.    

I applaud Mrs Heng's courage to tell her story of the pain she went through. Her two abortions left her trapped in years of guilt and shame as she recognised the humanity of her children. Her healing process spells hope for the men and women who grieve the death of their children through abortions. Rachel's Vineyard Singapore, the only known support group here helps both women and men come to terms with going through abortions. 

Truly, women deserve better than abortion. They can choose life.