Don't shortchange thy neighbour

I know Christians are commenting on why we are 'obsessed' with being against same-sex 'marriage' and not other sins.
I pray that you understand that no one or rather no group is pushing aggressively for acceptance of divorce, greed, wrath, sloth, pride, envy, gluttony or even explicitly to be sexually immoral.
And I assure you, all of us are just as concerned about all matters in God's heart, just that you don't see it being done before your eyes.

No one issue that God is concerned about is above the other unless it is so obvious that people see it as not an issue.
Homosexuality is packaged as 'love' and 'freedom' and and they are attractive terms until you strip it to its barren form which is total brokenness and using of fig leaves to cover the hurt.
As true followers of Christ, we are causing great harm to people by endorsing it.
As disciples of Christ, we grieve the Holy Spirit by going against the word of God.
As ambassadors for Christ, we stumble and mislead people into thinking that this is love and freedom when we ourselves experience the love and freedom of God in the most authentic way.
We are shortchanging our loved ones.
We are deceiving ourselves outrageously.
It's not that we want to focus on homosexuality.
It's the fact that people think so little of this issue, care nothing of its consequences both in the spiritual and physical realm and thoughtless about the first casualty who is our innocent children.
The least that you and I can do now is to run to God's word and get the facts right about the heart of God regarding this matter.

The account of a suicide survivor

Thoughts of suicide invaded my mind since I was a teen.
Or rather I often threatened my late mum with suicide cos I was miserable that I could not go out with my peers because she was rightfully protective of me.
As a teen, I understood a little yet I was very lonely and being an outgoing person, to be shut up at home was great torture.
As a teen, I could only go out with my mum and a friend that my mum trusted.
That was then I realized how different I was from my peers in quite a few aspects.
They were all shooting up whereas I remained the same.
I went through what every teen went through, with an added bitterness.
When mum passed away suddenly and tragically, my first thought was to commit suicide so that I could be with her forever.
Nevertheless I was guarded by everyone during her funeral, reluctantly went through two more papers for 'A' Levels, had my last fracture and had to spend 6 months recuperating and after that, busy university life for 3 years.
Family structure took a drastic change, unresolved grief took its toll and like a volcano, it erupted in me this desire to die again.
I left home, with just a backpack.
I led a nomadic life, felt unwanted and ingrained in my mind was this thought that my world, that was my mum, collapsed and I had no reason to live.
And so one day, I went onto the road, waiting for cars to knock me down.
Then I realized that the road was a quiet one and so there was almost no car.
Angrily, I went home and swallowed half a bottle of a certain medicine that was poisonous in nature.
As I swallowed the pills, I vomited them out at the same time cos my body was resisting it.
I gave up and suddenly felt afraid.
I didn't want to die!
I just didn't know what to do with my life.
I asked my brother's girlfriend to bring me to the hospital.
There, the doctor inserted a tube into my throat all the way to my stomach to wash out the medicine.
I was conscious and my throat was so painful.
I was in Intensive Care Unit and when my family members came to visit me, I saw tears and shock in their eyes.
That was when it hit me that my life is not my own.
I am a survivor of a suicide attempt and I live to see the hurt that I had inflicted on my family members.
I thought no one cared for me.
No one can probably love me like how my mum did BUT my family members love me, in their own ways, perhaps in ways that I couldn't understand and accept but they love me all the same.
I think of people who committed suicide and never live to see the sorrows of their family members.
I cannot imagine the grief of the parents of the teen from Damai Secondary School who hanged himself.
I have heard of people committing suicide after someone they know did the same.
I thank my Lord every day that I'm alive.
I know why I'm alive.
I'm here with everyone to promote a culture of life, not death.
To live takes courage.
That's what I have learnt.
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) : 1800-221 4444 (24-hr)

Let me shout it out from the rooftop!

Everyone knows I am God-crazy cos 99.9% of my posts on Facebook are about Jesus.
Friends who knew me in the past, I think they don't know me now.
I wonder how many want to associate with me or even read any of my posts.
Do I care?
I care not because I need anyone to like or read my posts.
I care because as a friend, all I want to do is to share how God has transformed my life.
Who doesn't want to share the best with friends, even strangers?
Everyone seems to be leading a good life online but we know otherwise.
We are all struggling with issues, we are all trying to cope with the demands of life.
Sharing online may not be the best way to share about life but it is one way.
The best sharing that any human can have with another is a face-to-face meeting, where eyes can be met, hands can be touched, hearts can be stirred and prayers can be heard.
Alas, people have no time.
And so here I am, believing that we don't just edify our family in Christ but that we reach out and involve people who may question our faith though they will want to know more if we are willing to share the victories of our lives through Christ with them.
I did ask God.
It's hard, You know, to be open about the struggles in our lives.
People will think I love to expose myself, I'm 'boasting' about how good my life is so as to 'promote' Christ, I'm imposing my faith on others etc.
Our God does not need us to 'promote' Him.
He created us and is obvious to all. 
When I said Yes to Christ, I already don't have certain privacy about my life anymore.
My story is His story and now His story is my story.
My victories belong to Him, just like my battles.
My mind is full of His word cos if it's not, it's full of negative things about myself and others and they are mostly lies!
It's not that I'm religious, holy holy...
But one thing is true, we are to be holy like Him!
My struggle lies in how to help people see that the thoughts of everyone comes from somewhere and that mine comes from my Lord.
How do I proclaim my faith to you, letting you know that I had and do have real struggles and it's my mind that changes the way I now see things?
Someone changed my mind and heart and He is Jesus.
Just like how you allow your thinking to be fixed about me, about the issues of your life, about why you exist.
Where did your thinking come from?
Before I received Christ, my family, friends, books, circumstances etc shaped my thoughts and hardened my heart.
I was cynical, insecure, couldn't trust anyone except myself.
Now I want to always trust God and honestly trust myself less cos I know my heart can deceive me too easily.
I learn to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I learn to be more strict with myself rather than with others because our God searches our minds and hearts.
I want to have the fear of the Lord rather than of man.
Everyone used to say that I was too sensitive to people's remarks and actions and that was the main cause of my misery before I received Christ.
I remember I lamented on why I'm so sensitive such that I get hurt easily, I hurt others and friendships were lost as a result.
Recently I realise that God actually has a purpose for me being sensitive to others.
He harnesses it for a good use and He gives me the boldness to call out human weakness for what it is.
Nice words for sexual immorality?
Sugar-coated words to cover irrational fear and self-centredness?
Mind our own business?
Sorry, that's saying I don't care about you.
If Christianity is real and I truly believe it to be so, let me shout it out from the rooftop and not be ashamed of my faith.
Whether you believe it or not, you have no excuse that you have not seen nor heard.

Christianity is for the common good

Leading people to Christ without manifesting the power of God in our lives FOR THE COMMON GOOD is fruitless.
Christianity is not just about God and me. If it is purely that, then it's god and me and that god is me.
Living in this world claiming that our eternal home is in heaven and that we don't have to bother about what's happening now is self-denial.

Every day, you will have people coming to you, struggling with marital problems, juvenile delinquency, depression, criminal issues......
Do you just say, "I pray with you. God will help you."?
Worse is to pray that and go away, leaving the person alone because you yourself don't even bother to help that person in practical ways.
God helps us in sending the right people, the needed resources at the right time.
Who will do the work?
People like you and me who are in this world but not of the world.
People like you and me who impact the society as a whole, not people who are just 'god and me'.
Telling people 'God is good' is very vague.
Showing people how God works in our lives is great.
Journeying with that person and showing how the goodness of our Lord impact the society for the common good is what each one of us should do.
After all, we are all affected by what's happening in the society, whether we believe it or not.
I know of people who say, "God had already said that times are going to get even worse so why are we trying to stop it?"
Then I think, "We are going to die anyway, why live a better life each day?"
His Kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
We pray His kingdom on earth.
That is what Jesus wants us to pray and see it fulfilled ON EARTH.

I was that lost sheep

Life is sharing about our lives.
From 9+ am to 7+ pm today, my full-time, very important mission was to share about God's work in my life with a new believer and my ex-students.
Working as a tutor is my ministry and a source of income.
Always tell people that I don't need a lot of money.
I have never been in lack, praise the Lord!
I desire His pleasure in me, His 'well-done', His rewards and to share His burden as His daughter.
My life has been turned upside down.
The more I walk on His path, the more I don't recognize myself.
I think I literally sense God's grief inside of me towards His people.
My heart becomes so heavy that I want to scream, "Why God? Why am I thinking and feeling so differently? Am I weird?"
Maybe there are people who think and feel the same.
I need clarity.
I need to know if I'm wrong.
I tried to analyse my train of thoughts, if I have overreacted, if I have been slow in listening to others......
Then, yesterday He filled my mind and heart with this parable in Luke 15.
Haven't been reading this part of His word so when I was reminded of this the whole day, my heart became very heavy.   
When many turn against one person, when it seems logical that I should think and do likewise, I grieve with that one lost person.
Finally I sense a little of what it's like for God to treasure one lost sheep over ninety-nine other sheep.
All the sheep were safe, no food-poisoning.
God allowed me to go to developing countries whereby I honestly don't know what unhygienic food I have eaten unconsciously but hey, I'm alive, strong and healthy, by His grace.
I do not say this to negate any preventive measures that should always be put in place.
After all, doesn't God call for excellence in us?
I am reminded of how we have all sinned and yet God sent His only Son to die on the cross for us. 
But we, we cannot even tolerate a mistake made by a fellow being.
Not just in this case but in many other cases whereby everyone throws the first stone at the sinner cos we all presume that none of us has sinned.
I know what it's like to be self-righteous cos I was exactly like that many years ago.
So it's very painful to see myself in so many people.
Am I still self-righteous?
Yes.
That's why we need God's righteousness!
We are nothing apart from Him.
The pathetic thing about us is we think so BIG of ourselves that I imagine God looking down at our swollen heads and hearts and shake His head.
Why have they not learnt their lessons?
Why are they not like Me?
To stay humble is a very difficult thing.
The moment we think we are not proud, we are already proud.
The plumb line: God's word
Who is supposed to remind one another to stay humble?
Shouldn't it be you and me?
"All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
I truly would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen the hearts of you and me;
Wait, I say, on the LORD! (Psalm 27)

God's word or man's diagnosis?

While any diagnosis has its place in early treatment, it should not be a label and a tag for life.
Being diagnosed with a condition should eventually motivate us to rise up for we are fearfully and wonderfully made and our soul know that very well.
It's not a reason to let our life go to waste.

It's an impetus to live an even richer life in spite of challenges!
It's not about you can do it but others can't.
It's about why am I limiting my potential to lead a fulfilling life simply by a diagnosis that is not a life sentence?

Don't try, won't succeed

Interest and fluency in Chinese language can be cultivated from young, provided that we adults see this language as beautiful and thus not despising it.
P1 gal was faced with a cloze passage of many words that I know she doesn't know. 
It was chosen by me on purpose. 
She started her protest that she doesn't know one word, two words...then I said, "Just do it. It's OK if you get it wrong."
Turned out that she could get all the answers right though for one blank, she guessed the answer and because she is not allowed to leave any blank, she got full marks.

Moral of the story?
No one needs to know the meaning of every word to understand a passage. 
Even we adults don't know every word!
Don't try, won't succeed. 
What is there to lose by trying?
Education is learning life skills.
I'm not satisfied with good academic results. 
I'm more interested in character building that inevitably produce long-lasting results.
Look far.

Afterthoughts from ARISE, ISSACHAR! Inaugural Worldview Camp

Random check with some youths in the camp.
"Are you ok? Is it too much for you?"
"It's ok!"
I think it's me who was not too ok.
My head grew heavier each day.
Must be because I haven't studied in school for so long and these youths are either still schooling or fresh out of school or simply because they are younger!
It was a crash course on worldviews!
It was almost 12 hours for 3 days!
We had physical, spiritual and intellectual food for 5 days and 4 nights.
It was an extraordinary camp organized by Leo and Roxanne plus their very enthusiastic little girl who was ever ready to practise her public speaking skills at a tender age of two!
Truly a public speaker in the making.
I had good food, learnt from passionate speakers and forged new friendships.
I remember hearing the life story of your family, in awe of God's power in your lives.
I miss the camaraderie that we have, deliberately cutting myself off from the chaotic world outside.
Especially touched by what Jason Wong shared about how to respond in times like this where evil thrives.
Four groups of people struggling with homosexuality: the activists, the ones who are moderate, the strugglers and the overcomers.
We pray for activists to turn from Saul to Paul.
We pray that those who are moderate will not become strugglers.
We pray for overcomers to come out and tear down the lies of the activists.
I felt renewed with hope.
I still have hope, even for the toughest activist for only God sees the full picture.
On the last day of the camp, Professor Thio spoke about the sacrifices we need to make as disciples of God.
My tears flowed down like a river.
I used to cry with such great sorrow that I made people cry.
My cries were heart wrenching even to myself.
After I received Christ, no matter what happened, I don't remember crying as if I have no hope.
I become used to tears flowing down my cheeks, softly, unending and many times cannot be explained by logic.
My tears cleansed me from within.
I know there's no turning back.
Why would I turn back on God who gave me a new life, literally?
I cried because I'm touched by Him.
If there is anything particular that I can take back from this camp, it is this magical moment of cleansing.    

Hear the voices of the children

AS AN educator working with young children, I read last Thursday's report ("Gifted? More kids sent for psychology tests") with great concern.
The aspirations of parents in hoping their children are gifted is understandable, as every parent wants the best for his children.
Unfortunately, the voices of children are not adequately heard by parents, teachers and society as a whole.
Children often come to me visibly overwhelmed by the amount of homework to be done and endless activities from school and private tuition or enrichment centres.
They do not have much time to play, relax, develop a hobby or even sleep.
When it comes to the release of examination results, some children are very worried about their parents' reactions upon receiving their results.
They often link their parents' affections to their results.
Children eagerly seek to please their parents.
They find it hard to express themselves, so they would agree with the plans of their parents, only for their psychological state to manifest in their behaviour later on in life.
Their academic results may suffer as a result.
Given the amount of work and stress primary-school children are already subjected to, why are we exposing children as young as two to the notion that IQ is of such great importance, compared with character building that will help every child to combat challenges to come?
Why is there even a need for "like-minded company" for "gifted" children in Mensa Singapore?
Why should children congregate based on their IQ?
Aren't children supposed to interact together, regardless of race, religion, background and, of course, IQ levels?
Are we teaching our children to mingle only with those who are deemed "smart"?
A child will do well only when he is humble to learn, dares to make mistakes and seeks answers rather than be spoon-fed.
How and what we teach our children impact them for life.
Employers do not look at how "smart" we are in the long run.
They look at our determination to work well in spite of challenges.
That is what we should prepare every child for.
A gifted person is one who uses his gifts to help others uncover theirs.

The devil's schemes

The devil comes to steal, to kill and to destroy.
He steals your mind by polluting it, darkening it through depression and other mental condition, deceives it by giving you what you think you want.
He plays on your heart that is so easily deceived by offering you the easy way out, just like how he tried to tempt Jesus unsuccessfully.

He kills your enthusiasm in living your life to the fullest, telling you that death is preferable to life.
He offers death as the solution to your troubles that seem so hard today because you only believe in using your human strength.
He says life has no meaning simply because he represents death.
The devil is bent on destroying your life and your family.
He will not stop unless you know his schemes and say NO to him.
He is the most hardworking thief ever on earth.
BUT Jesus comes to give us life, that we may have it more abundantly.
God who is in us is greater than he who is in the world.
It's battle time every moment.
It's a choice to be made every day.

A drop that contributes to the ocean

"Born untouchable, she now touches lives" was my first Straits Times forum letter written and published on 1 January this year, in response to a doctor who wrote that nobody he knows prefers having a grossly handicapped child to being childless. ("Very premature babies face serious risks")
I thank God for this breakthrough and for such a sweet New Year gift on a year that holds great significance to me.
I remember being furious at the lies being fabricated in the public square.
I cannot imagine more lives being killed just because babies have been diagnosed with a seemingly severe disability and are deemed by doctors to have no future and of no use to the society, there and then, even before they have a chance to prove otherwise.
In my social circle of friends, there are many who lead a productive life, sometimes more fulfilling than people who are able-bodied.
In my life, it is not my disability that stops me from being maximized to my fullest potential.
It was my heart that was handicapped.
And this is a human condition that cuts across all strata of society.
The heart that deceives oneself that one is superior or inferior to others according to superficial factors like wealth, strength, 'wisdom', beauty, fame etc.
A doctor who is supposed to save lives now believes in killing 'unworthy' lives.
A person who looks into her own heart and sees only misery.
A person who does not see absolute truth but truth as relative; You believe in your 'truth', I believe in mine.
In other words, let's mind our own business.
Does a baby have the right to live while in her mother's womb?
Yes! 
Thank God my mother didn't abort me.
Does a child with a disability have the same rights as any other child?
Of course. 
Thank God I do have.
Does a child facing long-term severe disability and dependence have a place in our society?
Why not? 
Who can guarantee that no one can have a disability later on in life?
Not even the doctor who wrote that death is preferable to being in such a situation.
Can he say the same if he is truly in such a state?
Even if he says so, I will advocate for his right to live because only God decides our life and death.
I'm very blessed to be given so much.
God gave me the best mum to give me the best education though she was not highly educated.
I ask God to help me in writing every forum letter.
Not all are published but all is practice.
I am one voice.
Have been telling people that Singapore is a democratic society.
Silence is equal to consent.
As a child of God, I don't believe in being a Sunday 'Christian'.
Worship unto God is to love Him in every aspect of our lives, the moment we wake up to the moment we sleep.
Can you imagine God selecting the best time to look out for us?
The moment He takes His eyes off us, we are dead.
Everyone is gifted in different ways.
But no one has an excuse not to live out His nature in us.
Even if a drop of water is just a tiny one, it contributes to the ocean you see today.

Choose life

It's either Yes or No. There is no 'I don't know'.
Choose life, good and blessing OR death, evil and cursing.
Choose life, that both we and our descendants may live. (Deuteronomy 30)

Make up our mind that we would not defile ourselves with the things of this world. (Daniel 1:8)

My Father, my father

I just did it.
I just called my dad and wished him a happy father's day.
To initiate to call him, to actually talk to him alone takes great courage.
Without my Abba Father's words of honoring our parents, I think I would not have come back to my dad.
We are still very far away from each other.
From a little love to fear to hate to trying to love again, it takes every ounce of my energy.
Chinese New year is tough cos there is more interaction.
I would hear all the things that I don't want to hear, that doesn't sound logical at all, that I wish I can discuss with him such that he won't be upset or shut me off.
Suddenly today my Father reminded me of my father's love.
I know he loves me.
I know he feels guilty about what happened before.
There is no denial of his love in some of his words and actions, in the past and present.
My resistance to him is to his chosen lifestyle, the decisions that he made that are selfish in nature, the words that he say which hurt...
I guess love must see above all these differences between us.
Love compels me to see my father first as being made in my Father's image, being chosen by Him as my dad, whether I like it or not.
My father is very blessed cos now he has a daughter whose Father taught her how to appreciate his love.
My father used to buy durians for all of us.
That was family time.
All of us would eat very fast cos durians are extremely delicious and because I am very particular about making sure that each seed is truly 'bald', I was the slowest among our family members.
My family members will make sure that I get to taste all of them.
My father shows concern through asking me if I have enough money, tells me to take care of myself.
When I have to tell him that I'm going to places like India and Cambodia, he would be asking why I go to all these dangerous places...
But he knows that no one can stop me, at least not my family members cos they don't really know what I'm truly seeking in life now.
Many things if I were to tell them will surely scare them so best to only share with people who are like-minded.
Feel a little sad that I don't have a lot to say about my dad except the bad memories.
I wish he was more involved in my life when I was young.
A little late but it's never too late to build a better relationship now.
Uncomfortable to the flesh but pleasing to my Father and my father.
Ultimately, I know it's for my good.
What once gripped me no longer has a hold on me.
What now grips me is my Father's first love for me.
My Father teaches me how to love my father.

Involve kids in decision-making

P3 gal doing corrections on the word 'queuing' for 5 times.
She wrote 'q' for 5 times and was about to start writing 'u' when I stopped her.
Ok, I must admit that I used to do that when I was young and I know it's not uncommon.
Just that she was caught by me.
Discussed on why she should not do that.
Then I asked, "Are you going to change?"
Gal: I don't know.
Ok, I'm frustrated cos I hear so many 'I don't know' from kids who just refuse to make a decision or to think critically.
Well, aren't we adults guilty of that too?
Don't let kids get away with those 3 words.
Probe.

The aim is to help them to analyse and learn to make decisions that are good for them rather than we demanding that they follow all our instructions without their active participation.
An 'I don't know' guarantees the same mentality and behaviour all over again.

Culture shapes conduct

Policewoman and her boyfriend kissed in the living room.
The morning after, it is a bed scene with the woman smiling sweetly while the man comes in to wake her up, saying that he had made breakfast.
Woman is impressed and man says, "Come and stay with me. I will make breakfast for you every day."
The next time I happen to watch this Channel 8 drama series again, the romance is over, the man turns out to be a criminal and of course the woman is pregnant.
Any wonder why premarital sex is so prevalent?
It's a norm on TV shows.
It becomes a norm in people's lives cos we buy into the messages conveyed by the shows.
Messages include having sex before marriage is very ok, that man will be even sweeter to the gal after having sex and that bad consequences look prettier than in real life.
So what if you are pregnant as it is shown in the drama?
Who pay the consequences?
Certainly not the lead role since she's not living it out in her own life.
What happens to the baby if he is given the chance to live?
Where is his father?
The trauma, the scars inflicted by betrayals and hurt cannot be portrayed realistically on TV.
Yet TV shows want to portray the half-truths.
Sex in marriage between a man and a woman who are committed is beautiful.
Having a child in a marriage is safe for everyone, especially for the child.
No doubt that there are broken marriages but there are and there will be many more marriages that can stand the test of time.
I have just read about one sturdy marriage of 70 years!  
I have given up watching drama series on love.
I used to like to watch Korean dramas that have very handsome guys and very pretty girls and their romance never failed to put me on a high BUT after the show, I felt super low and empty.
The love they portray is fake as in it is above ideal and gives false hopes and expectations.
Now I prefer listening to real life stories from friends who are married cos they will not hesitate to tell me that marriage is hard work.
Two people from vastly different background coming together is no joke.
It can be romantic, depending on how you define the word 'romantic'.
Someone said that romance is even just having a meal together. 
As if life is not drama enough, we really don't need to absorb any more trash values from TV shows.
Watching dramas is a form of escapism.
Learning from dramas is a great deception.

No foundation, no fruit

Talking can be very tiring.
I'm perceived as an extrovert, I thought I was. 
I can be very silent too.
Total silence when I'm at home, just God and me.
So grateful that after being a nomad for so many years, I have a place called home for 8 and a half years.
It's a home cos God is in it.
Never proud that I left a house, led a nomadic life to be sane.
Nevertheless, I would have perished if I have not left, with just a backpack, not to return again.
There can be reconciliation but things are not the same anymore.
So I don't dare to take anything for granted cos I know what I have lost and I know how much God has given me.
Told a friend, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away."
Hold everything lightly in our hands so that when it's gone, we remember the words of our Lord.
Christ is enough for me. 
I am doing my best.
Telling almost the same thing to many people, not wanting anyone to go through what I went through.
Teaching every child in his best interests, though I'm not the most skilful teacher.
Academic results are important.
But many parents fail to see how a child's character affect the results.
Take lightly of the foundation, we lose the fruit.
Times like this when you just don't want to talk anymore, it's truly time to be silent.
Low battery.
Time to be charged.

Be real

In this world, people don't really want to trust one another.
Yet we are wired to want to have authentic relationships.
Take the worthy risk of first being real to others.

That's when people feel safe to be real with us.
There may be bad results at times but without authencity, it's bad results ALL the time.

Your standards are for my good

Told gal in grade 5 about issues relating to safety in our nation.  That there are people who have bad intentions and that we need to know how to protect ourselves. Gal: (Gave me a pat on my hand) You are a good person. Me: (Chuckling inside) But I'm very strict to you! (Yup, cos she used to whine a lot n wait for me to give her answers) Gal: You want me to learn and it's good for me! Would our heavenly Father hear that from us? Your standards are for my good.

Childhood

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them. (Psalm 139:16)

I often think about how my tears could be more useful in this world where water is such a precious resource.
Tears gathered all these years would be more than sufficient to do something......
When I was a baby, surely I must have cried a lot since I was diagnosed as having Osteogenesis Imperfecta (brittle bones) when my bones broke during birth and subsequently never-ending until I was 19 years old.
From then on till now, I have led a miraculous life of no more fracture even though I still had falls few years back.
I only suffered sprains and pain.
I know of a baby who had the same condition and the number of fractures that she had was more than her age in months.
And she's only 2+ years old.
Imagine my horror and heartbreak at seeing myself at her age, wrapped in casts for 4 limbs when all bones break, one after another.
I don't recall anything before 7 years old and the reason how I started to remember was because I had my first surgery at 7 years old after I slipped and fell after running.
Can't believe that I could actually run then. 
My first metal rod in my femur.
After that, countless surgeries, many exchanges of rods and metal plates in both femurs over 12 years.
I'm very fortunate, only the femur bones broke.
Some people with this condition died after birth, have fractures in many parts of the body...
At 7 years old, I started my life in Singapore General Hospital for acute care, then St Andrew's Hospital for rehabilitative care, then I fell down again, needed acute care then rehabilitative care and the cycle continued till I was 12 years old.
Falling down and learning to walk again; the whole process took 6 months.
The pain was physical, mental and emotional.
I feared falling down.
I was a fragile doll, that's what medical personnel said.
My cast was always from the waist to the toes (since it's the femur) and I could not sit up straight.
I had my P1 to P5 education by teachers who came to the hospital to teach us.
I would lie down and write on a standing board put on my bed.
Each time I tell my students how I studied when I was their age, they would think it's so unbelievable.
But it was very normal to me.
Perhaps I didn't know the better way outside.
At the end of P5, the hospital was reconstructed and I had to be discharged.
Had my first taste of how it was like studying in a mainstream school: Pearl's Hill School.
Was on a wheelchair.
Poor mum had to push me up and down the steep slope everyday.
She also came during recess.
Don't know how I managed to do well for PSLE since it was my only year in formal education.
It was truly the grace of God though the name 'Jesus' was just a name associated with presents during Christmas.
I heard His name at 7 years old.
He wrote my story before I was born.
I have a book.
You too.
Do you know the Author?

Coming back to the heart of worship

It started from a seminar.
It became a burden.
I volunteered to be a facilitator in a camp.
My first time volunteering for the unknown.
Started officially this year, I seem to swim and slowly dive into the unknown. 
When unknown surrounds me, I court the unknown.
Or simply said, the things I do, I'm naturally not comfortable with doing them but God is behind me, motivating or 'pushing' me to do what is uncomfortable but absolutely necessary for my growth in Him.   
I trembled while doing it.
I thank God after He helped me do it!
One thing leads to another. Besides facilitating, I realized that I'm helping out in devotion on the book of Esther as well as lead worship in the morning.
Er, my bible knowledge is......I feel inadequate!
I did my very best to read up on the book of Esther and prayed for downloads.
Though devotion time was very much shortened and I really felt relieved, I know I'm the one who benefited from reading His word.
I benefit the most through serving!
Sing with someone playing the guitar? 
I may know a little about playing keyboard but I haven't learnt to pitch nor can I hear myself as to whether I sing out of tune or not.
True enough, the poor guitarist had a hard time with me. 
He was very nice and patient but I felt so bad that he had to pair up with me.
Me untrained, only know how to sing acapella, just sang off-key, different keys at different part of the song.
I prayed throughout, "God, I can't do it. You take over."
Think I had His reassuring reply in me, "Just sing from your heart."
So there I was, standing/sitting in front, 'unseen' by people at the back, sang from my heart to my Lord, disregarding how 'unprofessional' I sounded with music.
My skills do not qualify me to be in the worship team.
I did go for an audition few years back, knowing that I have the heart to worship, longing for people to polish me in this area. 
Didn't pass the audition, was rather discouraged.
Then as the years passed by, I realized that perhaps I may not be skilled in music but my heart to worship did not and prayerfully will not change forever.
God sees the heart.
Would I pursue this area?
Honestly speaking, I love singing acapella. 
That's when I can totally focus on the lyrics that praise and worship our Lord.
Music has a role.
So does worship that is not accompanied with music.
Guess it's personal preference.
What is crucial is this heart of worship.
Does my Lord care more about how well I sing compared to whether I sing from my heart to Him?
Sing, sing, sing.
Just sing.

Whose standard do we follow?

To acknowledge that we fall short of God's glory is step 1.
To not to turn back and cling on to His mercy and grace and live a life that is pleasing unto Him is to spurn all that He has lavished on us.
The fear of the Lord is like an umbrella. Once we step out of His umbrella, we are no longer under His covering.

How can we hear Him when we choose to leave His shelter?
How do we love Him when we pick and choose what we want to obey?
Who is King? There is only ONE King.
It is tough. No one told me when I received Christ that I have to surrender my life TOTALLY.
No one told me that I cannot be the queen of my life anymore.
From my few years of journeying with my King, the sooner we surrender every issue of our life unto Him, the better it is for us.
It is very interesting to note that people always point to other fellow Christians as the reason for leaving Christ, leaving church, leaving cell, leaving friends...
BUT aren't we supposed to look at Christ, first and foremost?
Since Jesus is the FOCUS and He never changes, why are we changing our focus?
Know that ultimately it's between God and each individual and His word is the standard for each of us.
We follow His standard, we listen to people who follow His standard.
We are not perfect but we are to be perfect like Him. (Matthew 5)

Society accepts every person but not every action

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

I read the article "Record 28,000 gather at Hong Lim Park for annual Pink Dot rally" on Jun 13 with much grief.

Pink Dot promotes the "freedom to love" regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

I know of people who led homosexual lifestyles due to factors like broken families, being molested or sexually abused when they were young or later on in life or due to other unfortunate circumstances. As a result, many struggle in this lifestyle. Internal more than external barriers prohibit these individuals from leading a life that sees love and acceptance in the proper context.

Many walk out of this lifestyle only when they come face-to-face with the underlying issues that traumatised them and deal with these issues with much courage. 

Love comes with great responsibility, both to self and to society.

During the Pink Dot rally, Mr Alvin Tan, an HIV-positive gay man and transgender Christopher Khor talked about issues such as social acceptance of homosexuality. 

Alvin and Christopher are precious individuals like any of us. We don't and we shouldn't look at the worth of any person based on his family background, profession, social status, personality, sexual orientation or any other factors.

Society accepts every individual but not actions that lead to undesirable consequences.  

Of the 428 new HIV cases acquired via sexual transmission in 2013, heterosexual transmission accounted for 40 per cent of infections while homosexual and bisexual transmission accounted for 54 per cent of the cases.

How does the society support people who are struggling with sexual orientation and gender identity issues, especially those whose health are affected as a result of these struggles?

For example, how do we help a person who is suicidal? Do we accept him by granting him his decision to kill himself or do we journey with him by helping him to overcome the challenges and thereby prevent a tragedy from happening?

More organisations should be set up to help people who struggle with sexual orientation and gender identity issues. 

On an individual level, let us seek to understand their struggles and not be quick to offer solutions that do not help them. 

It is only then that we can create a society that upholds the worth and dignity of every individual even when we cannot accept all behaviours and lifestyles that do not serve the public good.

What is your legacy?

Just came back from a camp. Haven't really slept, haven't really reflect.
Very thankful to my friend who helped me set up this blog since I'm not one who likes to explore technology.
I would rather explore all there is to life.
We live in a culture of death but because of Christ, I crossed over to life; abundant life in Him.
If you have truly encountered death, all you want is to live.
To live is not just to be able to breathe.
To live is to help others be reconciled to their first love; the unconditional love of our Abba Father.
Love is the most highly abused word.
When one says,"I love you", does it mean,"Only if you give me what I want?"
Is love manipulative?
What is love?
Someone said, "Love is not seeing your loved ones go down the path of destruction without warning them."
Is that how God loves us?
I'm very blessed. God gave me the great love of my mum for 19 years. Very short but I know of people who don't even know a mother's love.
How much time is truly enough?
How much time do I have in this temporal world?
How do I spend every moment of my life, knowing that His commission is my mission?
What legacy are you leaving behind?
The legacy I want to leave behind is that my family members and all who know me, will see Christ in me, even after I have gone home.
I have no name. He is my name.
That in every victory, they see the hand that upholds me, that inspires me to move forward for His Kingdom, on earth as it is in heaven.
My strength is small but my Father is unimaginably BIG!
His grace is definitely more than sufficient for me.

Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter by the gates into the city. (Revelation 22:14)

Tree of life: Healing of nations

The LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed. And out of the ground the LORD God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food.  The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. (Genesis 2:8-9) Then the LORD God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil.  And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”— therefore the LORD God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken. So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life. (Genesis 3:22-24) Wisdom is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, And happy are all who retain her.(Proverbs 3:18) The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who wins souls is wise. (Proverbs 11:30) Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12) A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4) “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.  To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.” (Revelation 2:7) And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb. In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month.  The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. (Revelation 22:1-2, 14)

When words become hollow

From personal experience:
When someone lost a loved one,
Don't
-say what you don't know, don't blame anyone, don't say, "Everything is going to be alright" cos everything is not right at that time...

-use God's word as just a statement.
For someone who trusts in God, sometimes even what we know can still grieve us. Depending on individuals, some people may react strongly to God's word at this time.
Do
-let the person talk as much as he wants about the deceased, even if he cries non-stop...
The sudden loss of a loved one makes the bereaved want to grab hold of every memory of the deceased. It is part of the grieving process and to curtail it is to delay the healing process...
-allow tonnes of questions and many 'what if' to be asked. We don't need to answer. Anyway, no one has the answer.
-check if that person is suicidal, has adequate family support, has medical history to take note of...
-ensure that the person is eating n sleeping a little...Physical strength is much needed at this time...
-be with the person. No need to talk. Your company is sufficient.
-pray with the person if he allows...
Just be there. Words are truly hollow at this time.

Pray together with the body of Christ

Last Tuesday, something that never happened before, happened. 
I was crying from what could have happened but by the hand of God, I was saved! 
Then I called my friend whom I just had lunch with and asked her to pray for me because I was totally shaken and many bad thoughts invaded my mind. 
Though I told a few friends what had happened, there was only one who told me to keep praying.
Keep praying. 
Let's keep praying!
I do pray. 
Usually by myself. 
Sometimes, I make effort to go for prayer and praise meetings. 
A little reluctantly cos I would prefer to pray alone at home. 
But I would always thank the Lord each time that I went cos I would get bolder in praying with the church.

Why the resistance? 
I find it a little uncomfortable (being self-conscious to pray in front of others...) and for the main part, it's laziness to go to church for twice a month prayer meetings (different type) on top of bible study...
It's never about inconvenience since I travel all around. 
It's laziness and not having the zest for praying together as a group. 
It's not recognizing how important it is to pray together!
We know our God. 
He will always make sure we get the same message again and again until we obey. 
Along the way, I get many reminders from different people and I finally went for a particular prayer meeting that I have never been to.
I realise many things. 
I thoroughly enjoy that time of worshiping together and it's when we are together that we become persistent in praying. 
We stand in the gap for parents and their children, for those struggling with issues...
We cannot overemphasize the great importance of this gift of praying that our Lord has bestowed on us. Free, of immense power from on high, can be anytime, anywhere and with anyone.
Is any word that is from a sincere heart to our Lord redundant? 
Why should we be so self-conscious about the words to say? 
Before we even say anything, He already knows.
Who can stop us from praying? 
Only ourselves. 
As the Lord put in me a prayerful heart, I pray the same for you. 
Pray as a church. 
Pray in groups. 
It's entirely different from praying alone.

Rock the boat!

Was in a seminar by Pastor Benny in church today. 
A lady from another church was there. 
She said that seeing me having the joy of the Lord in spite of my disability encourages her. Frankly speaking, I always feel uncomfortable when people say that. 
To me, I expect myself to be like anyone, no special treatment when it comes to the things of God. 
I don't see how using a wheelchair or being a little different from others make me especially different. 
Anyway, all of us come in different shapes and sizes. 
So that thought lingered in my mind as I talked to her. 
Then I remembered, what if God uses me to encourage her? 
If God uses me in this way, who am I to say no despite my discomfort?

Being right-handed, my left hand is weak. 
Thanks to Pastor Benny who encouraged us to use our left hand which is not from our comfort zone. 
I never like to draw attention to my disability for I choose to see ability. 
But if God uses me for His glory and people see that in me, I should learn to embrace it and remember that God uses us in any way He wishes.
God uses us in any way He wishes. 
That in most part does not come from our comfort zone.
Being a disciple of Christ is to get used to being uncomfortable. 
Or put it simply, there is no comfort zone in the works of Christ!

His dreams, my reality

Few years ago, I had a powerful message dream that I don't think I will ever forget cos it brings such great encouragement to me not to give up in the area that I struggle with and failed many times. 
It's because of this dream that motivates me in finally getting more than a pass grade in this area of my life.
I remember a dear brother-in-Christ who said to me, "God will allow you to go through the same test until you pass!"
I think I can safely say that I have passed and have no need of such tests anymore!

One week ago, I had another vivid dream with a powerful action such that when I woke up, I did the same action 
This is a sequel to my first dream few years ago!
Yesterday, I wrote to God. 
I wrote that I believe that my third dream would be a confirmation of the reason for the dreams.
And YES! I just woke up from the third dream with a very clear answer!
Right now, these dreams are awaiting to come true beautifully in God's timing. 
I'm so excited by how God can download so much of what He wants to tell us IF ONLY we wait on Him and listen, instead of just telling Him all of what we want and forget that He has only the best for us. 
We shall never be in want, our Shepherd says in His word!
Come to God with GREAT expectations of what He can do in us and through us. 
We serve a GREAT God!

The gift of life

Recently, a couple lost their 26 years old son to pneumonia. 
He had cerebral palsy with intellectual disability. 
In my few years in this church, I see the whole family together with their helper worship the Lord unfailingly every week. 
Their helper who has been with them for 21 years loves this man like her own son. 
The whole family loves their son just like how they love his brother who is able-bodied. 
Though they know that he is now with Jesus, they miss him. 
This man, is very precious to his family, even when society sees not.

I also know of a mum who painstakingly brings her son to church though to us as outsiders, we may question if the son knows what's happening. 
This mum comes for prayer meetings to draw on the strength of our Lord.
In all of these, we definitely don't know why some people are born with a more severe disability than others, why parents need to go through so much...
BUT I guarantee you, ask these parents if they consider aborting their kids as a solution to their problems, they will say no. 
Their devotion to their kids, their love for them cannot help but amazes each one of us, that tenacity in humans can be drawn out through circumstances that we cannot understand but choose to surrender to the One who knows it all.
Human strength is very small. 
Our God is unimaginably BIG.
The human mind cannot comprehend what God has in mind.
These parents have truly demonstrate what it is like to love the Lord with all our mind, heart, soul and strength.
Each child is precious. God does not say otherwise.