Engage our young better in fast-changing world

The world may change, but the facts regarding premarital sex do not ("World has changed, so have attitudes towards sex" by Mr Allein Godfrey Moore; Forum Online, March 3).

We live in a highly sexualised world, where sex is now degraded as a matter of lust and emotions.

Once sex is divorced from the security, commitment, communal support and procreational capacity found in the union of marriage, the family as the basic building block of society is weakened.

I agree with the writer that it is our duty as adults, especially of parents, to protect our children "from the consequences of foolish actions in all aspects of life".

Our children deserve better than to give in to their hormones.

Self-control is practised for the sake of the larger society and for individuals. Our children have always been taught self-control in how they manage their temperament and how to relate to others.

It is a timeless virtue that will develop them to be responsible adults in work and life later on.

If we perceive that teenagers are incapable of self-control in the area of sex and we, as adults, model such behaviour, it is no wonder that our young give in to their impulses.

Learning about sex through the Internet does more harm than good. Even adults have problems discerning the reliability of online sources. It can even expose our young to online sexual predators, sexual grooming and abuse.

I agree with Mrs Shelen Ang that there is a more urgent need today for parents to teach their children self-protection through discernment skills ("Parents play key role in kids' sexuality education"; Feb 20).

As she pointed out, "the father and mother play unique and indispensable roles in their child's sexual development and in teaching about relationships with the same and opposite sex".

In the natural order of attachment, it begins with mutual knowledge, followed by trust, reliance, commitment and touch, in that order.

A dating relationship becomes more stable when communication is emphasised and sex is delayed. Finding other ways to build the relationship ensures that it is not built on sex alone.

Boy-girl relationship issues are among top contributing factors in youth suicide. Sexual activity creates emotional bonds that create unnecessary stress to our teenagers in forging healthy relationships.

As parents and concerned adults, let us create a loving and open environment where our young will not hesitate to come to us for guidance and help.

http://www.straitstimes.com/forum/letters-on-the-web/engage-our-young-better-in-fast-changing-world

Parental consent for abortions protects their children

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

In his Chinese New Year message, Prime Minister Mr Lee said that the Government will continue to support Singaporeans "in the many responsibilities and joys of parenthood" ("Family an important building block of society"; Channel News Asia, 7 Feb). How can parents exercise responsibility for their children when parental consent is not required if their child under the the age of 18 wishes to have an abortion? ("Restore parental consent for abortions for under-18s"; 25 Feb, "Unwise to require parental consent for abortions"; 29 Feb).  

Most parents love their children and discipline them for their best interests at heart. When parents learn that their child is pregnant, it is natural that parents would be disappointed, angry and even feel that they have failed in their roles as parents.  In the best parent-child relationship, the child may not voluntarily discuss the issue of abortion as she does not want to disappoint or burden her parents. Guilt, fear and shame push the child away from her parents, leaving her feeling alone and helpless. Even the best counsellor cannot provide the sense of security, vital support and comfort that only parents can provide. Without parental consent for abortions for under-18s, parents are kept in the dark about their child's predicament and the child makes a rash decision without considering other alternatives like raising the child up with the support of her parents or giving the child up for adoption. 

Abortion is an invasive surgical procedure that can cause common complications like bleeding and infection, and more serious ones include injury to the womb and surrounding organs. Various studies also show that abortion negatively affects women's mental health, contributes to maternal mortality, increases the risk of breast cancer and the risk of miscarriage. Considering the implications of abortion on a child's present and future health, which parent would not have regrets upon knowing their child's abortion later on? Furthermore, parents know about their child's medical history which the child may not know, remember or be willing to share. If parents are unaware of their child's abortion, they cannot help to monitor their child's post-abortion psychological health or post-procedure complications.  

In cases where there is alleged sexual abuse, they are best assessed by an objective third party with the help of a counsellor. Parental consent would include an exception to allow the girl to apply confidentially to court to bypass the requirement. Where there is imminent danger of family violence, an expedited personal protection order can be obtained from the Family Court within a day without a prolonged trial. In any case, laws should not be built on exceptions.

No woman goes for an abortion feeling empowered. Abortion does not get rid of problems. It kills another life and scars the woman for life.