The immeasurable price of Motherhood

This letter was sent to The Straits Times Forum but was not published.

Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART) have replaced fertility and procreation with reproduction in a sterile lab. Such technologies made us forget that a child is begotten, not to be artificially created at a price of S$275,000 (“LandmarkHigh Court allows Singaporean Gay dad to adopt surrogate son”; Dec 17).

A child is a gift. No one demands a gift. We buy expensive toys for our children but now, children have become toys for us.  

If biological connection does not matter, this father would not be able to circumvent the laws of our land to start a family unit. He would not have gone to great lengths to reproduce a child with half his genetic traits by making use of the egg of one woman and the body of another for nine months of his child’s life.

No man, not even a single woman like me, can understand how a mother’s body undergo dramatic changes to give a life. Parenthood is sacrificial giving, not the taking away of a child’s need and right to his mother. The surrogate mother can relinquish her parental rights but it does not mean that the child does not need or yearn for his mother.

It is of paramount importance that a clear stance on all forms of surrogacy be made (“Clear stanceon all forms of surrogacy needed”; Dec 20) and that a policy review be made on singles being allowed to adopt children (“Ban surrogacy to protect theinterests of children and women”; Jan 5). No matter how much I as a single adoptive mother love my child, I cannot be the father that he needs. It is not about me, but all about what my child needs in a dual sex union.

Public confidence in our authorities has been shaken in this landmark ruling. A just society protects and safeguards the interests of the most vulnerable members of our society ; children. Children are priceless. The rich and powerful do not own them.