9th letter to our beloved Emmanuelle

My dearest Emmanuelle,

last Sunday I texted your mummy if she wanted to come out with you. 

I can even travel all the way to meet you gals.

She didn't reply. I also didn't bother to ask her anymore.

What's the point?

How can I keep chasing for a response?

How can I force anyone to be close to me?

No one can do that to me too.

It is nearly 1 and a half years since you were conceived and I reached out to her.

Now I understand a little bit of how it must be heartbreaking for God to send Jesus to die on the cross for even those who may never receive Him.

Your mummy and I were like strangers before your conception.

I am closer to my 3 elder sisters (your three older aunts) because we have the same Mummy.

They have loved me since I was a baby.

I just honored your aunts publicly on Sunday and thought I want to continue to build the relationship with your mummy and you, of course.

You and mummy are our family's lost babes.

I can understand a bit of how your mummy must feel, as if being abandoned by the family.

I have done my best in trying to bridge the gap.

I have come to realize that it's alright that each one of us needs time to come back to the family.

Didn't I take more than a decade?

I need to be patient with others just as others have been patient with me.

So unless your mummy wants to come forward, I guess I can only see you on your 1st birthday celebration on 7 December.

I think I will cry when I see you.

It's like you are so near and yet so far.

I told God I want to stop mourning over the losses.

I cannot keep on like this.

I want to lead my own life with God.

The best thing I have done was to dedicate you and mummy to God.

Wherever you gals are, God is with you.

During the time-out period, I thought as long as you are alive, even if you are not close to us, I am contented.

That's love.

Love does not mean possessing that person but wishing that person well.

Is that how God loves us?

I love you, baby.

One day you will know your roots and know Jesus.

All of us are accountable to Him so I refuse to be afraid of what people will say about me, about our family.

Now I only have gratitude to God for putting me in this family.

I am the peacemaker of our family.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (Matthew 5:9) 

The harvest is in our family.

I pray for more labourers.

Love you, my darling.

You are in His safe arms.

He loves you and mummy much more than I can ever do so.