An unsupported pregnancy, a family crisis

Edited copy: 

https://thir.st/blog/an-unplanned-pregnancy-a-family-crisis-abortion/

In cases of unsupported pregnancies, we are rightly more concerned about the mother and the child in her womb.

But how does an unsupported pregnancy of an unmarried daughter affect the family dynamics? What if we see an unsupported pregnancy as a family crisis rather than an isolated case of a single mum needing help?

What if there is at least ONE family member who wants to help (be a life supporter) but feels powerless?

When family members see abortion as a legal, easily accessible and fast option, how can we empathize with them and encourage them towards supporting the pregnancy of their loved one?

I was once that helpless family member…

In May 2018, I fell in love with my unborn niece at 9 weeks of gestation the moment I saw her sonogram. My step-sister related to me how her ex-boyfriend brought her, then 19 years old, to the abortion clinic. The ultrasound scan before the abortion saved my niece’s life. My sister courageously chose life and my niece turned one year old last December.

An unsupported pregnancy cannot be viewed as merely the personal crisis of a woman and her child. An unsupported pregnancy is a family crisis because every new life created has a tremendous impact on the whole family, especially when it involves an unmarried daughter.

I promised my sister who was like a stranger to me before her pregnancy that we want the child, even if the father of this baby walks away.  

My elderly father has 8 of us, including 3 step-siblings. I am the youngest in my original family so I do not have much say in family matters. Nonetheless, I was determined to use any influence I have within the family to preserve this life that God has given us (Job 33:4). Only God can take away a life (Deuteronomy 32:39), not man.  

Like many people, my father deemed my sister as too young to be a mother, that the pregnancy would sabotage her future and that the child would grow up without a father. It is interesting that no one would think a teenager too immature to have premarital sex which opens up the possibility to life, besides the grave consequences of being afflicted with sexually transmitted diseases or the psychological, social and spiritual impact of casual sex. 

Erika Bachiochi, Visiting Fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, said: “Sex does not always make babies, but neither does it always make babies exactly according to our plans … sex is a serious enterprise, to be engaged in only by those prepared to become mothers and fathers.”

My sister is a mother the moment my niece is conceived. No one automatically knows how to be a parent, no matter his or her age. Abortion makes my sister the mother of a dead child. It cannot undo the mistake of sexual immorality but will only leave her traumatized that she has killed her own flesh and blood. I have heard too many real-life stories of how abortion harms a woman physically, emotionally and spiritually so I was determined that abortion should not happen in my family.

There was lots of tension and I was angry with all my family members as I see them being so indecisive when it is a matter of life and death for the most vulnerable member of our family. I was at the brink of losing control. I was using my own strength trying to prevent a tragedy but I felt so drained and demoralized. My family members were fully aware that I stand for life because I always post articles on building a culture of life on my social media.

I declared a time-out from everyone, including my sister for 40 days and 40 nights. When I left my sister alone, she was in the early stages of pregnancy during which most people around her offered abortion as the quick “solution”. One of her friends even said that she was cruel to bring the child to term because the child has no father. How can murder ever be a solution to difficult circumstances?

I prayed and dedicated my sister and my niece to God during that period of rest. Through it all, it was like God telling me, “Shhhh, you go away, I take over.” I cried and asked God to preserve the life of this baby, even having a baptized name ready for her when she grows up. I promised God that if after this time-out period and my niece is still in her mummy’s womb, I would continue with my sister in this fight for the basic human right to live, starting from the womb.

In His mercy, God preserved my niece’s life. In Singapore, babies can be aborted up till 6 months of their lives in the womb. The womb is supposed to be the safest place for an unborn child but our liberal abortion law made me fear for my niece’s life until she came out of the womb.

If every family has at least one person who fears God and loves life, abortion would be unthinkable and undesirable. The miracle happened in my family! I thank God for Safe Place and the Christian community who care and provide for my sister and my baby niece.

There was shock, confusion, anger, tension and all sorts of negative emotions in the initial stage when our family first heard the seemingly bad news of an unsupported pregnancy. There was a split among the family members, as if I was left all alone with my sister, even up till the time of delivery. But when our little bundle of joy was unraveled, my whole family loves her. Family reconciliation may not be complete yet but God has not finished His work in my family. 

Shame assailed me when my family issues were first exposed to many mutual friends in the Christian circle. I was busy trying to explain my awkward position in all of this but God has my back. I bear the pain of the cross when I stand for life. I despise the shame of my broken family because Jesus has nailed it to the cross. Now I rejoice with Jesus that a child was born and would one day have a chance to enjoy eternal life with Him.

The first martyrs were male children two years and under, massacred by Herod the king in Bethlehem when he could not kill Jesus, the King of the Jews (Matthew 2:16). Now that Jesus has died and rose again to give us an abundant life, do our children need to be our martyrs? 50 years after the Abortion Bill was passed in Singapore, more than 660,000 babies have been sacrificed at the altars of convenience, ignorance and apathy. Can we afford to close our eyes to such grave injustice?

John the Baptist leaped in Elizabeth’s womb for joy when he met Jesus, the unborn in Mary’s womb (Luke 1:41, 44). The meeting of both unborn babies manifested the divine humanity of every child, from the womb to the grave. Sexual immorality is a sin to be repented of but the fruit of the womb is a blessing in all circumstances (Luke 1:42).

The Church is most qualified to sing the song of hope to every broken family because of Jesus. 

Amy Ford in her article “Unplanned Pregnancies: How should the Church respond?”wrote, “Adopting a proactive, pro-love approach within your church will give you a front-row seat to witness transformed lives and revived hearts. Families restored. Church members more engaged. God can use a baby to help His children better understand His love.”

God used my baby niece to propel my spiritual growth and draw me closer to my family. God can use a baby to transform His Church.

GET HELP

Expectant mothers have the following avenues to seek help:
24-hour Mum-To-Be Helpline: 1800-686-8623
Pregnancy Crisis Service: 6339- 9770
For teenagers facing a pregnancy crisis, they can seek help from the BABES 
24-hour call or SMS helpline: 8111-3535
Safe Place: 6817-4202

Baby is the size of a cherry at 9 weeks pregnant. Your 9-week fetus measures around 2.286cm and weighs about 1.984g