I lived to see my kid live for eternity!

Life has become too exciting not to be recorded. 

On 29 May, Tuesday, Vesak Day, I met up with a friend and the friend from my ex-church and we spoke quite a bit about healing and deliverance. She prayed for me. 

On the way home, I texted a friend from Ellel Ministries.  She called me and did deliverance with me over the phone for nearly 3 hours, from 830+ pm to 1130+ pm.

I was totally exhausted. I am so grateful to her that God allowed her to do it for me because by the time I have proper healing and deliverance, that would be 2-3 months later?

I intend to do it this year.

She was really good! Good as in proclaiming God's word with His authority can only be good!

I slept well, though I still woke up 2-3 times in the night, up till today.

Yesterday, my mind was trying to reflect on what went wrong, what went right, what is actually happening...Then I realised that I should be meditating within my heart on my bed, not thinking and thinking in my mind. No wonder I couldn't sleep as well!

On Tuesday night, I slept as if my body was covered with the blood of Jesus and His angels guarded my body.

Yesterday I slept with no fear. Just mind too active when I woke up in the night and it was harder to sleep again.

Today I learnt that next Tuesday there would be a bigger group praying against abortion. I was all eager to go. I even sent the message to two group chats and left for lessons.

I did wonder if it was ok for me to go when I am vulnerable now. Two friends in this ministry differ on whether I should go. I did ask God and was thinking that if I am free from attacks these few nights, I would go for this Saturday's prayer.

I walked up the slope to kids' house, a path that I used for four years. 

I walked very near the grass patch, because there were cars passing by.

I saw this Comfort Taxi coming down but it was getting too near me.

Then it stopped so near me that it was really unbelievable that it didn't hit me.

As miraculous as the time when a car knocked on my big wheels twice in 2015. If the impact had been great, I would have been on the road.

I was about to abandon my bag and chair and cling to the grass.

Taxi driver wound down his windows.

He seemed shaken. He said he could not see me when it was unlikely. I sensed that he was not concentrating on driving. He looked tired.

He said sorry.

I was abnormally calm. I didn't even scream when the car was so near.

Maybe because the car was slow?

I think I was very sure that I would be fine.

Wow, if it was not God, I don't know who could give me that assurance.

I went on to teach my two kids. It didn't sink in that I just escaped death/injury.

Until I led my girl in a prayer to receive Christ. She prayed for protection over me.

That was when I realised that Satan had changed his tactics.

Panic attacks didn't stop me. Headaches and interrupted sleep didn't irritate me.

Now use a driver to try to scare me.

Wow, how long, Lord?

Not going to prayer meetings would stop the attacks?

I am sick of his scare tactics.

I'm pissed off!

If I live, I live to Christ.

If I die, I am with Christ.

But I asked for a long life, satisfied in Christ.

I have yet to see God's promises fulfilled!

I will live, by God's sovereign will.

I lived to see my kid live for eternity!

Hallelujah!

Lord, grant me patience for all that I am enduring!

"Take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." by C.H Spurgeon

"That Word of God which could convert you, can convert anybody; if it could kill your despair, it can remove another man's despondency; if it has conquered your pride and self-will, it can subdue the like in your children and your neighbors. Having done what it has certainly done for you, you may have a full persuasion that, before its power, no case is hopeless. Wherefore, see to it, that you use from this day forth no other weapon than the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God...

Do not merely say, "I will keep Satan out of my family by bringing up my children aright", but go to the Sunday-school, and teach other children, and so carry the war over the border...

But I pray you do not let your love of the Bible end there. With a soldier in war, a sword is not meant to be hung up in the tent, nor even to be flourished in the air; but it is issued to be used. Nor are we to push this sword into a sheath, as many do who take the Bible, and add so much of criticism, or of their own opinion to it, that its edge is not felt. Many men use their low opinion of inspiration as a scabbard into which they push the Bible down. Their vast knowledge makes a beautiful scabbard, and they push down the sword, saying, "Keep still there! O sword of the Lord, rest and he quiet!" After we have preached our heart out, and men have felt the power of it, they make a desperate effort to imprison the Word in their unbelieving theory, or in their worldliness. They hold down the Word all the week with a firm hand, for fear its edge or point should wound them. It is the scabbard of culture, or philosophy, or of progress, and in this they shut up the living Word of God as in a coffin...

As quick as arm can move, drive texts of Scripture through every new fallacy, every new denial of truth, and spit the whole of them upon the rapier of the Word. It will be for your good to kill these doubts outright. Do not play with them, but fight them in real earnest. You will find that temptations also will come in hordes. Meet them with the precepts of sacred Writ, and slay even the desire of evil by the Spirit's application of the Holy Word. The washing of water by the Word is a glorious cleanser. Discouragements will arise like mists of the morning. Oh, that God's Word may shine them away with the beams of the promises! Your afflictions multiply, and you will never be able to overcome impatience and distrust except by the infallible Word of God. You can bear trial, and bear it patiently, if you use this weapon to kill anxiety. You will "stand fast in the evil day", and having done all, you will still stand, if this sword be in your hand...

No sinner around you will be saved except by the knowledge of the great truths contained in the Word of God. No man will ever be brought to repentance, to faith, and to life in Christ, apart from the constant application of the truth through the Spirit...

Our divine Lord in the wilderness was tempted of the devil. He might have fought Satan with a thousand weapons; but he chose to defeat him with this one only. He said, "It is written; it is written; it is written." He pricked the foeman so sorely with this sharp point, that the arch-adversary thought to try the same sword; and he also began to say, "It is written." But he cut himself with this sword, for he did not quote the passages correctly, nor give the whole of them; and the Master soon found the way to knock aside his sword, and wound him still more. Follow your Lord's example."
https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/spurgeon_charles/sermons/2201.cfm?a=1103001

Tribute to my late mum

This letter was sent to The Straits Times Forum but was not published.

The sheer determination of Madam Yong to shower her daughter with so much love so that Vivian can live longer in this world, reminded me of my late mum (“She ain’t heavy, she’s my baby: Mum’s devotion to 38-year-old daughter with neuromuscular disease; 7 May).

I was born with a genetic disorder called Osteogenesis Imperfecta, in layman’s term, brittle bone disease. The doctors told my parents that I might not live long after birth but no doctor could have predicted that I am now leading a more fruitful life than any prognosis given at birth.  I give the most credit to my beloved mother who gave me the most beautiful nineteen years of my life before she died of kidney cancer.

My mother was not highly educated but her dream was for me to enter university, find a job and support myself. She could not coach me for my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) but she would sit beside me and encourage me to study hard. I could not envision a bright future for myself then as I used a wheelchair. Those were turbulent teenage years whereby I blamed my mother for my disability through no fault  of hers. But we shared the greatest intimacy as mother and child, as the best of friends.

I felt abandoned by her when she suddenly passed on during my GCE A-Level examinations. My Christian faith empowered me to not only choose life after her death, but to love and treasure this life that my parents had given me.

My mother did not pass on defective genes to me (“Bioethics committee seeks views on emerging genetic modification technology to prevent disorders”; 19 April). She modelled perseverance and sacrificial love to me that I would not trade anything for. Because she did not abort me, I had a chance at life. She loved me to the end and that inspired me to do likewise to the people around me.

I do not need genetic modification. I just needed a chance at life. 

I will magnify You with thanksgiving!

Dearest Abba,

life is too exciting not to share it with others, just like how You said that we should magnify You with thanksgivings! (Psalm 69:30)

Thank You Lord for this breath of life today, for this safe haven that You have provided since 2006, nearly 12 years, a few months before I said "Yes" to You as my King!

Those who have yet to know You, I think I must seem like a weirdo, truly a fool for Christ.

But I'm sure my family members, especially my beloved sisters, are always comforted that I am no longer that rebellious little sister, whose mind was once full of death and depression.

They see the great change in me and my greatest hope is that one day, they would want to know You too.

I have come to treasure them, even my dysfunctional family, because they are Your gifts to me too.

For the 8 years in Christ, I thank You for that foundation in You.

Though I felt like I was asleep in my bubble for too long, You know it better than me that I needed that period, just like now I try to be more understanding of people who are in different seasons of growth.

I woke up in the last quarter of 2014, after attending a talk on homosexuality.

I got to know two interesting friends, followed by more of such friends in 2015 onwards.

In 2015, I attended a conference whereby Your people shared about masturbation, pornography, same-sex attraction etc.

I was like "Wow!"

I have never heard of all these taboo topics in a church setting before!

Wow, these people are so bold leh!

And so my exciting journey started in 2015, with me participating in Your plans without knowing how it came about.

I am definitely not a fan of The Straits Times but I didn't know why I read the Forum page in December 2014 and saw this letter written by a doctor who said that being infertile is better than having a child who is grossly handicapped.

I didn't know what came over me but I wrote a letter that was published on 1 January 2015. Four other letters that were pro-life were published as our new year gifts too!

http://praisearising.blogspot.sg/2015/01/born-untouchable-she-now-touches-lives.html

The once untouchable me wanted to tell this doctor that I exist.

Since then, I don't seem to see him writing on this topic anymore.

I pray that he would come to know You.

Who knows, one day I might get to know him?;)

I graduated with a Social Work degree but I didn't practise it for more than a decade.

I never felt it was wasted because that interest in social issues was reignited, fiercer than in my schooling years because then, I didn't have a calling, a Love that holds me together, compassion for people whom You love.

I still remained rather happily invisible, behind the scenes.

Of course I was upset with "keyboard cowards" who made vulgar jokes about my name when my letters were published.

They were just unhappy that You used me, together with Your many people, to tear down the lies that are perpetuated in our culture.

I remember where I came from.

Darkness.

I don't blame them.

Without You, anything goes.

Pleasure above morals, I above anyone else.

No one knows the many hours I sat in front of the computer, trying to write a letter that may not be published, that people may read and forget the next minute, that I have no idea how people would be impacted but hey, wasn't my life changed by that one letter by the doctor?

I learn to respect the small beginnings that You gave me.

I learn not to be so critical of myself and of others.

I learn through the trials.

I am under no illusion that life in Christ is a bed of roses but among the thorns, I can smell the roses.

Year by year, You exposed me to a greater audience, in videos, in small settings and lately to use a mic to facilitate a prayer meeting on building a culture of life!

Oh no......!

You know I hate to see myself in a video but You gave me more after the first one!

I learn to accept myself better and know that if I made sense in the videos, it was You who gave the words!

My thoughts tend to be all over the place so You must have gathered them together... :)

My greatest ambition in the past was to be invisible, to blend in with the environment because my chair gave me too much unwanted attention.

I just wanted to lead a serene life, that's why I called myself "Serene", after a few cmi names.

But can a disciple of Christ lead a hidden life, just "God and me, me and God" and that's it?

Aren't we supposed to be the salt of the earth and light of the world?

How do we love people without applying Your word?

Talk is cheap.

Even deeds that are not appreciated or clumsily executed are pleasing to You because You want faith with deeds.

I can speak well.

I can write well.

Because I know my weaknesses, therefore I know that if I can do what I know I can't, it can only be You.

And so with trembling hands and a heart that seeks to please an audience of One, I think I did fairly well for the prayer meeting :D

I did not panic, I was not as scared as I thought I would be.

And oh, I have two articles to hand in. And one more.

I took up the challenges without knowing how but I know who can help me.

Always "challenges", not "struggles".

I challenge myself because now I have You.

Without You, everything is a struggle.

Love You,
Serene