life is too exciting not to share it with others, just like how You said that we should magnify You with thanksgivings! (Psalm 69:30)
Thank You Lord for this breath of life today, for this safe haven that You have provided since 2006, nearly 12 years, a few months before I said "Yes" to You as my King!
Those who have yet to know You, I think I must seem like a weirdo, truly a fool for Christ.
But I'm sure my family members, especially my beloved sisters, are always comforted that I am no longer that rebellious little sister, whose mind was once full of death and depression.
They see the great change in me and my greatest hope is that one day, they would want to know You too.
I have come to treasure them, even my dysfunctional family, because they are Your gifts to me too.
For the 8 years in Christ, I thank You for that foundation in You.
Though I felt like I was asleep in my bubble for too long, You know it better than me that I needed that period, just like now I try to be more understanding of people who are in different seasons of growth.
I woke up in the last quarter of 2014, after attending a talk on homosexuality.
I got to know two interesting friends, followed by more of such friends in 2015 onwards.
In 2015, I attended a conference whereby Your people shared about masturbation, pornography, same-sex attraction etc.
I was like "Wow!"
I have never heard of all these taboo topics in a church setting before!
Wow, these people are so bold leh!
And so my exciting journey started in 2015, with me participating in Your plans without knowing how it came about.
I am definitely not a fan of The Straits Times but I didn't know why I read the Forum page in December 2014 and saw this letter written by a doctor who said that being infertile is better than having a child who is grossly handicapped.
I didn't know what came over me but I wrote a letter that was published on 1 January 2015. Four other letters that were pro-life were published as our new year gifts too!
The once untouchable me wanted to tell this doctor that I exist.
Since then, I don't seem to see him writing on this topic anymore.
I pray that he would come to know You.
Who knows, one day I might get to know him?;)
I graduated with a Social Work degree but I didn't practise it for more than a decade.
I never felt it was wasted because that interest in social issues was reignited, fiercer than in my schooling years because then, I didn't have a calling, a Love that holds me together, compassion for people whom You love.
I still remained rather happily invisible, behind the scenes.
Of course I was upset with "keyboard cowards" who made vulgar jokes about my name when my letters were published.
They were just unhappy that You used me, together with Your many people, to tear down the lies that are perpetuated in our culture.
I remember where I came from.
Darkness.
I don't blame them.
Without You, anything goes.
Pleasure above morals, I above anyone else.
No one knows the many hours I sat in front of the computer, trying to write a letter that may not be published, that people may read and forget the next minute, that I have no idea how people would be impacted but hey, wasn't my life changed by that one letter by the doctor?
I learn to respect the small beginnings that You gave me.
I learn not to be so critical of myself and of others.
I learn through the trials.
I am under no illusion that life in Christ is a bed of roses but among the thorns, I can smell the roses.
Year by year, You exposed me to a greater audience, in videos, in small settings and lately to use a mic to facilitate a prayer meeting on building a culture of life!
Oh no......!
You know I hate to see myself in a video but You gave me more after the first one!
I learn to accept myself better and know that if I made sense in the videos, it was You who gave the words!
My thoughts tend to be all over the place so You must have gathered them together... :)
My greatest ambition in the past was to be invisible, to blend in with the environment because my chair gave me too much unwanted attention.
I just wanted to lead a serene life, that's why I called myself "Serene", after a few cmi names.
But can a disciple of Christ lead a hidden life, just "God and me, me and God" and that's it?
Aren't we supposed to be the salt of the earth and light of the world?
How do we love people without applying Your word?
Talk is cheap.
Even deeds that are not appreciated or clumsily executed are pleasing to You because You want faith with deeds.
I can speak well.
I can write well.
Because I know my weaknesses, therefore I know that if I can do what I know I can't, it can only be You.
And so with trembling hands and a heart that seeks to please an audience of One, I think I did fairly well for the prayer meeting :D
I did not panic, I was not as scared as I thought I would be.
And oh, I have two articles to hand in. And one more.
I took up the challenges without knowing how but I know who can help me.
Always "challenges", not "struggles".
I challenge myself because now I have You.
Without You, everything is a struggle.
Love You,
Serene
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