People with mental illness need a listening ear, link to resources

As a person who struggled with major depression during my early 20s, I view love, empathy and support as most important in caring for people with mental illnesses (“Demystifying depression and other mental illnesses”; Sept 14).

As I was born with brittle bones that resulted in countless surgeries since I was seven years old, the sudden death of my mother to cancer during my A levels was one of the many factors that triggered my depression.

This, coupled with family circumstances and my strong personality, brought me to the brink of death. My suicide attempt was a cry for help. I did not want to die. I just did not know what to do with my life, thinking that no one cared.

When I saw how distraught my family members were in the intensive care unit, it occurred to me that this life is not my own.

My death would have caused unresolved grief to my family.

Those who have died through suicide never got to witness all these. If they had, they would probably not have committed suicide.

I never felt that I was not accorded dignity by people during my depressive episodes. It was I who did not give dignity for myself. I was wallowing in self-pity and expected pity from others.

I was self-righteous, expecting people to succumb to my whims and wants simply because I saw myself as a victim.

I am grateful I had a psychiatrist who showed me great empathy and trusted in me to heal. It was his unwavering support that helped me persevere.

People struggling with mental illnesses do not thrive on pity.

They already have dignity. Like any other person when times are challenging, all they need is a listening ear and the link to resources.

Love and support from family and friends draw out their potential to overcome any situation.

My compliance with taking medication and working closely with my psychiatrist helped with my recovery. I learnt more about myself and accumulated precious life lessons through depression. Having a robust faith also reminds me that I am responsible for my choices.
http://www.todayonline.com/voices/people-mental-illness-need-listening-ear-link-resources

We bring life to this dying world

I truly love the way God reveals Himself through our past, the struggles we go through, the relationships and conflicts that we have with others, our work, our passion, our lifestyle, our habits...He reveals His character, His plans (bit by bit), His humor, His wholeheartedness in wanting to bring out the best in us, His determination to make sure that we rise up, BUT only if we allow Him to.

He molds us in tests, He helps us to grow in Him by the growing death of self.

In truth, loving God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength requires the whole of me, not 'No, Lord' when times are bad. If God is truly Lord, do we say no to Him? If we have the choice of saying no, then He definitely is not the Lord of our lives.

Many things I can choose not to do to avoid trouble, conflicts, pain...to be a 'yes' woman to what people say. I can jolly well hide away in my 'christianity' world, naively thinking that I'm leading a 'godly' life, close my mind and heart to all that's happening because hey, I just commune with God. He is God, I'm His princess, full-stop. But I am fully convinced that our lives is not a full-stop when we come to Christ. It is the beginning of many commas, question marks and exclamation marks. Even in heaven, we do not stop worshiping the One who knows it all.

Worship is a lifestyle. If people ask why I always talk about God, that's because He is my life, just like how parents will not stop talking about their children or anything that is top priority in their lives. Nothing to do with talking about God means being holy...You don't become holy by talking about God. You become more like Him by knowing, loving Him and His people and applying what He has taught.

Growing in Christ is very painful. No wonder many do not even want to come close to Him. We have to say no to self to say yes to Him. We used to be the kings and queens of our lives but now we have to say more and more goodbyes to ourselves each time we need to stretch and tear. Tears is the crying out of pain. After the old skin is taken away, the new skin is red but beautiful, swollen but will heal. Just like my scar on my arm. No longer painful but a part of me, a mark of His faithfulness to me, a mark of my growing trust in Him.

In this dying world, we bring life. If that is not our purpose in this life, I don't know why we are here. The easiest way is to opt out and short-change yourself. You will actually go through more unnecessary tests and pain that would have been learnt earlier if you had allowed Him into your life. Either way, pain is inevitable. The difference is the One who heals your pain is the One who loves you before you were born. You are safe in His loving arms rather than your own.

Separate us from dross

It's not easy to be parents. No parent has practical experience on how to parent his first child. The closest is to learn through modeling from his parents (either positive or negative) or from books, peers, mentors, relatives...

For those who are in Christ, we learn from our perfect Parent: our Father in heaven.

I'm not a parent. At most, I'm a spiritual parent who aspires to learn from my Father. 
What I can give my kids now is vastly different from when I first started teaching. 
Then, I looked at them as just another assignment, a chore, at most; a cute little face now and then. They were just a means to an end. They were too noisy to be cute actually.

A prayerful Baptism made a great difference. My life changed quite a bit, more than when I first received Christ in 2006. I respect every family who is not ready to receive the God I worshiped. I do not impose and neither can one impose cos Jesus is a Gentleman. 
From 7 years old till my years of wandering, has no one shared Christ with me? Of cos. 
Just leave me at arm's length and don't bother me while I 'enjoy' my life.

Only when tragedies hit and man is at his utmost desperation will one look above and ask, "Where is God in the midst of this injustice?"

Man's sufferings seem like injustice, no matter what or who caused it.

Those who know me before and after, I know you are just as ecstatic as me in how much I have changed. I always laugh at how I would react when something like this happened in the past. I'm proud of the God in me, not with myself. 

There's nothing in me that warrants pride. I was telling a church mate that as I ate my noodles the other day, I was like swallowing (accepting) all that had happened. 
And I have to eat humble pie. When Pastor Michael talked about self-denial, this made me crumble. I didn't know self-denial tastes like this. 

And I know this is just the appetizer. 
Come on, haven't I known that life in Christ is taking up His cross and denying self? 
Didn't I sign up for this in 2006?

No, I only tried Jesus because I had come to a dead end.

Then I have heard, read and seen that in others. To me? Maybe later...later...not now...

We long to delay hardships but please don't delay our gratification.

We love roses but please take away the thorns.

We love You Jesus but please don't let me suffer like You.

Jesus loves me for my loveliness which He has created but He loves me all: even my rottenness.

Eat an apple but don't want to see the seed? Then where does the apple come from?

To our Father:

Refine us and assay us. Let us be purged as gold and silver, that we are separated from dross!

God wins

One thing I've learnt:

Though the winds of change howl, the storms of sea bellow, the noise of our nation divides, God wins. Not any party, not any person.

We focus on the same Person, do our work in faith and with commitment, walk on the same narrow path, not turn to the right nor to the left, remove our foot from evil and by His mercy and grace, we will not be stained by the world.

When everything changes, let us be like Rock's rocks; not be shaken nor be deceived.

God reveals MORE through trials

I remember the day when all I could do was to stare at the ceiling while trying to digest the songs that I was listening to. I was trying to make sense of every new discovery each day from that day...

The dream, the download, the call, finally the truth revealed, the texts, the meeting and two more meetings...

Today I finally could break down in front of people I feel safe with. I was prayed over, people shared their bad experiences, people encouraged me to look to God...

Then I went to this Praise and Thanksgiving event attended by family in Christ from Chinese churches.

The more I praise God, the more I know how faithful He is. The more I know how faithful He is, the more I know I will move on. Stronger, with thicker skin, with greater confidence in Him.

I received more than I have lost.

God showed Himself more through trials, bitter as it is to the flesh, strengthening as it is to the spirit.

Are trials worth it? Yes, if I can know Him more.

Thank you to you who trust me without me saying a single word, thank you to those who have been praying with me. We look to God but we also look out for one another. We who are in Christ should never walk alone.

The beauty of children

One thing I have learnt from children, among the inexhaustible things.

What seems very trivial to us, is major and serious to them.

If we dismiss or even reprimand them for what they feel without investigating why they feel this way, they will either not tell us about their feelings anymore or learn the adult way of suppression of their purest feelings.

Children don't know how to hide their feelings. That's their beauty, that's purity.

Seemingly, adults are like children in viewing things. What seems trivial to one is major to another.

Conflicts arise when we disregard the feelings of others, when we dismiss what is important to others, when we choose to or unintentionally misconstrue the opinions of others, even when facts are presented.

While we should try all means to resolve conflicts, we also have to accept that some are not ready or open to reconciliation as yet.

Most important thing is, let's do our part.

Forgiveness and grace to self and others

God hears. (Numbers 12)

After acknowledging all the hurts, we, like Moses, ought to put aside these feelings and pray for others, especially for the ones who have hurt us.

If Moses had bear grudges, if Moses had lingered on his hurt feelings, if Moses had not prayed to God for the healing of Miriam, Miriam would not learn what forgiveness and grace mean.

Thank God for hearing me, for revealing Yourself to me, for teaching me the lesson that truly, nothing and no one can hide from You.

I take great comfort that You hear us, every moment.

Weep for others

最美的眼泪，是为别人而流。

When God returns, what does He find?

If you don't know me, whatever I say is according to what you choose to think about me.

If you know me a little more, you will look at my track record; on what you see n hear about me.

If you know me deeply, you trust me even when you have doubts. You will ask me personally what made me say or do things that make you doubt me.

If this is what it's like between humans, won't it be more than this between our Almighty God and us?

God has fixed attributes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

We change. God doesn't.

We can have doubts but we definitely cannot don't trust Him.

I'm eternally grateful for His Word. He makes Himself known but when He returns, can He find such faith?

The joy of an auntie

幸福，就是看着心爱的人思想越来越成熟。。。

阿姨的快乐就是那么简单。。。

Jesus=JOY

Joy = every night before you sleep, you thank God for a wonderful day, regardless of what happened.

Joy is constant, regardless of circumstances.

Joy reminds you that God will never leave you nor forsake you.

JOY = Jesus first, then Others and last is Yourself

Joy is mine cos I am His.

In but not of the world

If the word of God doesn't uplift our spirit and bring us back to His reality, I have no solution for you. It's amazing how I've always feel like a misfit with the society.

A misfit in the past cos I thought I cannot be what the society expects of me.

A misfit in the present cos I am gradually experiencing what it's like to be in the world but not of the world.

Conclusion: I only need to be in congruence with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! In heart, mind, soul and strength.

Parents want committed boyfriends for their daughters

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

Mr Brandon Wade has a contorted view of what parents require of the future partners of their daughters when he claimed that "today's sugar daddies are wealthy and successful boyfriends- the type of men most Singaporean mothers tell their daughters to date." ('Boss of sugar dating sites on the defence' ;30 August)

All parents want the best for their children. They want the future partners of their children to be of good character, to be committed to their family and to be financially stable in their career. 

Which father would want his daughter to post photos of herself in suggestive poses or dressed in bikinis or lingerie to find a boyfriend who can bid the highest price for her to go on dates? ('Not so sweet on sugar daddy sites' ; 16 August) 

Several men were upfront in their intention for sex. Does any parent want their daughter to be treated like a plaything for money?

Which mother would want her daughter to date a man who is 'married but looking', knowing that this man is committing adultery?

Mr Wade launched Openminded.com in April, an "ethical cheating" portal for polyamory in which people engage in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all involved. I do not think any parent would want their daughter to be cheated, a behaviour no doubt ethically wrong. 

Furthermore, senior director for youth services at the Singapore Children's Society Carol Balhetchet said, "We are hearing from a growing number of parents of their daughters engaging in commercial sex and we are worried about the vulnerable young. I think there are also others who are just materialistic and should be aware of consequences , such as being addicted to cash for sex or getting sexually transmitted diseases". 

It is unthinkable how Mr Wade can liken a sugar daddy who pays a young woman for companionship to "a rich boyfriend who spoils his girlfriend or a husband who gives his wife an allowance" It is obvious that the former is cash for sex between strangers while the latter is established on a legal and committed relationship for married couples. The former can easily become a little more than prostitution as police warned of the possibility of action.

In this materialistic society where many people equate material possessions with happiness, it is time we teach our children the true value of love and sex. The greatest gift of love cannot be bought with the highest bid. Our body cannot be sold for any price.