The right to live even in an 'impoverished existence'

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

Dr Venkatachalam seemed to be appealing to the idea of euthanasia when he questioned if it is humane to sustain life at all costs. ("Is it humane to sustain life at all costs?"; 28 August)

The right to life has been consistently guaranteed under international human rights law. Article 3 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights provides that everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person. Likewise, the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights stipulates under Article 6(1) that every human being has the inherent right to life.  This right shall be protected by law. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his life.

The Singapore Constitution provides under Article 9(1) that no person shall be deprived of his life or personal liberty save in accordance with law. The right to life logically justifies the prohibition of euthanasia or assisted suicide. These prohibitions are often contained in laws against murder or specific legislation prohibiting various offences against life.

Under the Singapore Medical Council (SMC) Physician's Pledge, a doctor pledges to "maintain due respect for human life". The Ethical Code and Ethical Guidelines expect a doctor to be "an advocate for patients’ care and well being and endeavour to ensure that patients suffer no harm". It is therefore no surprise that, for example, it was unequivocally stated in 1995 that "the Ministry of Health, the [National Medical Ethics Committee] and the medical profession in general are all opposed to euthanasia".

In countries where Euthanasia and assisted suicide are legal, there are abuses with under-reporting and done without explicit request. 

Conscious of the reality of abuse, Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon noted in his lecture on Euthanasia before the Singapore Medical Association in March 2013: These concerns are not to be dismissed as patently fanciful. One study suggests that whereas legal restrictions and safeguards have been enacted wherever euthanasia or assisted suicide has been legalised, these have been “regularly ignored and transgressed” often without prosecution... 

Dr Venkatachalam does not even believe that 'the ability to digest, defecate, mount a fever or even breathe on one's own necessarily means that an existence is to be continued indefinitely at great human and/or financial cost'. Can the value of life be measured through money or through one's subjective opinions, especially from a doctor? 

True compassion is to uphold the fundamental right to life of every individual, in sickness or in health. We have no right to determine the value of another person's life.

What is real power?

The world is full of people desperately showing their power n strength through vain ways.

The world will be full of people not afraid to show their vulnerability through God's unimaginable strength n ways.

Love can't stay silent

Some choose to die while others yearn to live.
A church mate was diagnosed with stomach cancer today.
My heart is heavy.
She's such a courageous woman, caring for the souls of strangers even while in hospital.
What does one do when one received such news?
I kept thinking, what if it's me?
My mum died of cancer.
What if it's me?
I would definitely be at a loss like her.
But I would definitely hang on to God, like her.
Who else can we turn to?
All the fights in this world, the trivial things in life are nothing when one is faced with life and death.
Not much time left.
I feel like I'm rushing all the time.
I'm grabbing hold of time, I hate to waste time.
I don't understand how anyone can be bored cos I don't have time to be bored.
I don't know so much about God and His Word, I don't know enough current affairs, I am stuck in how to have breakthroughs in writing formal letters, I don't know how to relate to my dad...
But thank God, in the many 'don't knows', I do see what I can do which I thought I can't.
I know I expect myself to excel in many areas of my life, maybe sometimes a little too harsh on myself.
It's because I know that I can only do it by God's strength.
Therefore I want to rise up to the challenge.
The education that did not come easy for me, I'm not gonna waste it.
The testimonies I have in Christ, I'm not going to hide them.
The unique qualities, strengths and gifts that God has bestowed on me, let me use them.
Why do I sense that time is running out?
Not that I'm dying.
Because many people are perishing?
A world that works by simple rules becomes complicated.
Humans who desire to be loved spurn love in its purest form.
What does God think about us, His people who complicate themselves?
I imagine Him shaking His head, hands stretched out wanting to embrace His hurting people.
But where are you?
When would you all come back?
Are you ready when I come back?
Meanwhile you and I do not stop working.
We don't know how many would listen but we wouldn't stop speaking.
Love can't stay silent.
That I am learning.

Keep calm and carry on

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
(Lamentations 3:22-23)

What do we do when things don't go the way we think they would?

Keep calm n carry on because God does not stop working in our lives!

Who would listen to warnings in good times?

I really like the book of Jeremiah tho I have only just started on the first 7 chapters. 
In times of prosperity, God sent Jeremiah to warn His straying people. 
Who would listen to warnings in good times, in a wealthy nation like ours? 
I would cos I don't want history to repeat itself. 
We are to be like Jeremiah; the voice of God calling for the searching of hearts n minds to align them with His!

You give me strong arms!

Yesterday someone commented that I seemed to have 'grown' cos I have big arms. 
My arms are not slim but I am most proud of them. 
It's God who makes them strong n muscular cos of years of swimming n wheeling. 
Never look down on anything that God has given us!

Tackle the social and psychological barriers to inclusive playground

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

I read with elation as children with special needs can now have a go on the swing and the merry-go-round with their able-bodied peers at Bishan-Ang Mo Kio Park's playground. ('Kids in wheelchairs now can swing with the rest with opening of inclusive playground', 22 August)  

This is the second inclusive playground after the first one was opened at Canberra Park in Sembawang in April this year. ('Playground in Sembawang caters to children with special needs', April 12) Such new facilities in Singapore is a great move towards the integration of children with special needs into the mainstream society. Greater opportunities are created for interaction between able-bodied children and those with special needs. 

As an adult with brittle bones, I had never been to a playground when I was a child. I grew up missing out on an important part of my life which is play. I felt very left out as a child when I watched my peers do their physical exercise in school. My peers were very careful in their interaction with me as they perceived me as very different from them because of my disability. 

Over the years as I travel around on a wheelchair, I notice that many children and even their parents are at a loss when they see me. Children would naturally question their parents the reasons for me using a wheelchair while parents would either adopt a silent approach or scold their kids for asking these questions. Many adults and children do not know how to respond when they see people with special needs despite Singapore being a wheelchair-accessible country.

While physical barriers can be gradually removed in our society, it is the social and psychological barriers that need to be tackled. Parents of children with disabilities need to understand that their children are just the same as any other child in their make-up. Children need to be encouraged to play with their able-bodied peers, to build a healthy self-esteem and to know that they are able to achieve to their optimal level in all areas; academically, socially, emotionally and physically. Over-protection of a child stunts his growth. 

Being an educator gives me the great opportunity to teach my students to interact normally with anyone with special needs. There is no taboo in a disability. Each of us is born with different looks, abilities and yet we are all valuable. Let our children with special needs learn to be comfortable in answering the genuine questions of their able-bodied peers. Let them be the example to the adults that no barrier exists where there is greater opportunities to interact in a simple facility as a playground.

3 sentences

In life, don't aim for an easy one.
In love, don't lower your worth for a cheap one.
In Christ, Jesus is the best One.

Passion for Christ

I always feel guilty that I have this question in my mind and heart.
As I grow in Christ, I begin to question myself and those I see around me, whether when we worship, are we lip-singing or singing with a distracted mind or singing with no one in mind? 
I tend to question the sincerity of our heart. 
Is it a show? 
Is it a duty or is it a passionate cry for God?
Perhaps God put all these questions in my mind cos I'm easily distracted when I worship. 
I need to pray really hard to focus on Him. 
And it's only after I set my mind and heart on Him that I sense that cry in me for Him. 
Then I realise that it's not my job to speculate if any particular person worships from the heart or not.
God is asking me, "What about you? Do I not see? Do I not hear?"
It starts from me.
It is too easy to doubt a person's sincerity but we always don't doubt our own.
Even when I'm very sure of my own heart, let me not forget that our heart is easily deceived.
This does not mean we cease to be discerning of what's happening around us.
It reminds me to always give the benefit of doubt unless proven against His word.
In the end, each of us has to account to God of whom we cannot hide anything from.

Love, what are you like?

The content of our Chinese textbooks is interesting. 
Today my P3 gal read a text with the title: 'Watching TV'.

Father and son love to watch soccer match. 
Grandma loves to watch drama series. 
Father changes the channel to the one on drama series. 
Both father and son falls asleep.

Grandma changes the channel to soccer match. 
Father and son shout with joy. 
Grandma doesn't watch TV. 
She watches both her son and grandson with joy.

Mother finally finishes her housework. 
Father and son switch off the TV and let mother relax with music and dance.

The whole family watches TV uniquely. 
What is so unique about it?

Gal looks at me. 

Textbook didn't say so I guess lor tongue emoticon

Love comes with sacrifice. 
Love is NOT insisting on my own happiness at the expense of the people I care about. 
In fact, love is not about rights. 
Love is seeing and experiencing the joy of our loved ones.

执子之手，与子偕老

"执子之手，与子偕老”，大致意思是：今生拉着您的手永结美好，与您永不分离白头到老。千百年来一直让人传诵，成了生死不渝的爱情的代名词。

An elderly man held his wife's hand as she walked with bowed legs. 
I was so tempted to take a picture of their back view cos it's such a beautiful picture of love. 
What is their story like when they were younger? 
Don't they face the storms of marriage like any couple does? 
What makes them stay together, the husband taking care of his wife as a passer-by brushed against her?

This is treasure. 
A marriage that doesn't give up. 
This is love; love that cannot be real without sacrifice.

Beliefs contribute to miscommunication between doctors and patients

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

The Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE) is concerned that some women seem to have negative experiences with doctors when it comes to 'sexual and reproductive healthcare'. ("Judgmental attitudes towards sex can affect healthcare", 20 August) 

It is a doctor's responsibility to know our medical history and even our lifestyle before providing professional advice and help, especially when it comes to General Gynaecology services. As a patient, we cooperate with the doctor and trust his professionalism for the betterment of our health. 

In her letter, Ms Tan claimed that 'one unmarried woman reported multiple negative experiences with doctors when seeking reproductive healthcare. One doctor lectured her on abstinence from sexual activity'. It is not known of the woman's condition that prompted the doctor to give a medically sound advice.  A gentle advice for the health benefit of this woman may have been misconstrued as 'lecture'. She could be resistant to this call for a change in lifestyle. 

If I'm the patient who is given this advice, I would be very grateful to this doctor because he could have saved my life. One way to prevent HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) infection is by not engaging in casual sex. No contraceptive gives one hundred percent protection from HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. 

Being a single woman, my confidence comes from my belief in chastity before marriage and faithfulness within marriage. By having sex with someone who isn't committed to me for life, I would be doing injustice to myself and to my own worth. Our beliefs on certain matters do influence how we perceive the communication that goes on between doctors and patients.      

In my encounters with doctors, I have not known any who allow his personal beliefs to influence his professional conduct. In fact, I have met many doctors who are passionate about their work and truly concerned about their patients. They go beyond their call of duty to serve them. As a patient, we need to trust our doctors and clarify with them when we have doubts. Where there is truly professional misconduct, complaints can be lodged at the Singapore Medical Council. 

Our sins withhold good from us

Jeremiah 1-5

- Do you not fear Me? Do you not tremble in My presence?

- What injustice did you find in Me, that you go far from Me and walked after emptiness and become empty?

- Your own wickedness will correct you, and your apostasies will reprove you; Know therefore and see that it is evil and bitter for you to forsake the Lord your God, and the dread of Me is not in you.

- Your sins have withheld good from you. Your ways and your deeds have brought these things to you.

- I will pronounce My judgments on you concerning all your wickedness, whereby you have forsaken Me and have offered sacrifices to other gods, and worshiped the works of your own hands.

- I am watching over My word to perform it.

- Because I have spoken, I have purposed, and I will not change My mind, nor will I turn from it.

- I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your iniquity.

- Return, O faithless sons, I will heal your faithlessness.

- If you will return, if you will put away your detested things from My presence, and will not waver, And you will swear, ‘As the LORD lives,’ In truth, in justice and in righteousness;
Then the nations will bless themselves in Him,
And in Him they will glory.

- Circumcise yourselves to the LORD and remove the foreskins of your heart.

- Know how to do good. Do not be shrewd in doing evil.

We bless You, Lord!

In our first session of Lifegroup last Friday, it was not unexpected to have members asking the difference between God blessing us and we blessing God. 

Many times, we cry, "God, bless us!"
Would the Creator not bless His creation and give us according to the riches that He has which is beyond our imagination? 

And riches is way beyond material needs. 

If riches is just material things, we have diminished God to an ATM machine.

Recently, I realise that we rarely say, "We bless You, God!"

"...to bless God means to recognize His great richness, strength, and gracious bounty and to express our gratitude and delight in seeing and experiencing it...

In Christ, we can still be very 'I, me and myself'.

Do we come to God because He can give me this, this and that?
Or do we come to Him simply because He is who He is, the great I AM?

Do we love Him because of His awesome characteristics, His very nature or do we see a Santa Claus in Him?

God already knows our every need. 

Before we even think of it, He has already planned in advance. 

We already have a book written for each of us; the book of our destiny when we rise up to it.

So change the way we approach God.
Come into His courts with thanksgiving, run into His sanctuary with the sole aim to bless Him!

Singapore will be the nation that blesses a mighty Jesus!

Swim into Baptism

Around mid December 2006, I accepted Christ into my life in a dramatic way.
Then, I wanted to be baptized with my friends before 2007 but I felt very unprepared.
It's really like getting married but it's too soon and the bride is not ready.
The bride was not ready to say yes in front of everyone and realizes that the Bridegroom is to be taken seriously and there's no turning back.
Well, another issue is: I'm scared of water baptism whereby I need to be submerged for a second!
When I was a kid in St Andrew's Hospital, I had hydrotherapy.
The physiotherapist held me while I was encouraged to move my legs in the small pool.
Unfortunately she went on talking to another physiotherapist until my head was in the water long enough to give me the idea that I was drowning.
I remembered struggling in the pool until she realized it.
That's it.
The fear of water was instilled in me as a child.
I even had problem washing my hair with my head down.
I felt most secure when my hair was washed with my head bent backwards.
The funny thing is, before I learnt swimming, I learnt sailing.
I sat alone in a dingy and used my hands to pull the sails.
I had great fun, was 'hit' many times by a yacht cos I was stuck in front of it...
I enjoyed being at sea, didn't really think about safety when the life jacket couldn't fit properly...
My mother used to say that if my legs were ok, she wouldn't see me at home most of the time.
She's right, haha though if my legs were ok, I would not have the opportunity to study until university.
Perhaps I wouldn't even thirst after God cos I wouldn't be desperate enough.
And so, in that one year before baptism, I brought a swimming board to the swimming pool near my house.
I held on to it and never dared to let go.
For two years, I did that and other exercises in the pool.
I had a 'rehearsal' with my friends to prepare self for baptism.
It's really funny when you think about it but the fear of water was so real and exaggerated.
Finally after two years, I couldn't tolerate myself holding on to that silly board any longer.
By God's grace, I found a super patient lifeguard who became my swimming coach.
When it came to letting go of his hand to swim on my own, that freaked me out.
I told him that I need to pray.
I practically screamed the name of Jesus into my mind and body as I finally let go and swim...
Words cannot describe that exact moment, that freedom to finally let go of a human hand and to cling on to a divine Hand, a Hand that cannot be seen but yet can be grasped.
Today, quite a few years after my first attempt, though my legs can't kick the same way as others do, though I swim at a much slower pace than others, I can swim 20 laps non-stop.
I don't have speed but I have stamina.
I don't have much skills but I have perseverance.
What gave me the idea to swim?
It's my water baptism, irrational as it seemed but it blossomed into a great miracle in my life.
Who gave me the strength and courage to let go of what I deemed as my security when it is His divine security that we should seek?
Thank You Lord, it's truly You and You alone.

Love requires sacrifice

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

I am appalled by the writer's view that because women are now independent and financially capable, they deliberately choose to bear a child but not marry its father. ("Unplanned teen pregnancies of greater concern", 12 Aug)

No matter how society has changed, the right of a child to a father and a mother does not change since both parents do not cease to play crucial and complementary roles in raising up a child in a secure and nurturing environment called a family unit. Permissive social mores, such as casual sexual relationships and single parenthood weaken the family unit. Singapore will do well not to follow these fashions uncritically. 

As a single woman desiring to have a child, it has never crossed my mind to trump my own desire over the need of my child to know and be guided by his father. I recognise that even if I can provide all the material needs of my child, I cannot replace this unique role of a father. Children are not merchandise. They are not to be wanted when we want them, to be aborted when we find them an inconvenience. Whether it is a teenager or a financially stable woman, we should not promote a culture whereby fathers are regarded as unimportant when they are the leaders of our families. 

In the case of unwed mothers, Singapore is not a welfare state.  When one has an 'entitlement' mentality, one equates not having benefits as being 'penalised'. In highlighting that best support is given to all Singaporean children regardless of their parentage, previous Minister for Social and Family Development Chan Chun Sing said, "The bulk of all our support focuses on the child at the centre, because we believe that the child is innocent and should be given the best support possible." ("Best support given to all children: Chun Sing"; Mar 15) 

Finally, love when rightly understood, is the willingness to suffer and sacrifice for the good of the other. For too long, we have asked children to sacrifice and to give up their right to both parents in cases of divorce or due to the bad decisions we made in life. We have literally forced children to act like adults. It is time that we as adults learn to sacrifice and to give up our desires so that our children do not have to sacrifice and to give up.  

Just hug!

Touched! A hug means more than any word...The gains in what is deemed as losses.

Nick Vujicic

How long my hug is with my son, or how tight it is, isn't up to me, but him. Now all I have to do is try be the best Daddy I can be that compels my boy Kiyoshi to hug his Daddy. These are…..the best hugs I have ever received.

In Christ alone

If there's anything good in me, I think I'm like a 打不死的苍蝇. 
The more resistance I face, the greater the fighting spirit. 
In the past, it's called stubbornness. 
Now I pray it's changed to persistence/perseverance. 
That's how I live by God's strength through these 8 years 8 months in Christ. 
Not that life is now a bed of roses, but that I have learnt to withstand the thorns by His greatness!

Do you feel empty?

So thankful that we're learning the book of Jeremiah now. 
So many people claim that the Old Testament is not relevant to us now when it's almost 4/5 of God's Word! 
How can we know God by 1/5 of His word? 
That always puzzles me and I am very grateful that I grow in a church that emphasizes the importance of the Old Testament. 
It's precisely because we don't read the Old Testament that we get the nature of God wrong. 
It's like coming to the movie last minute and catch the ending without knowing what happened in the beginning. 
We don't get the full picture of God and we judge Him based on our preferred, superficial, meagre understanding. 
Yes, we judge the sovereign Judge, we the creation judge our Creator, that's how presumptuous of us!
Today, I learnt that it's not difficult to find too many people who walk after emptiness and become empty. (Jeremiah 2:5) 
In fact, we should break the taboo and ask each one we know, including ourselves, "Are we feeling empty?" 
Even those who profess to love Jesus, if we feel empty inside, we know that we have strayed away from God because we will not be empty in Christ.
Turning away from God means we have to turn to something/someone else. 

Can be money, fame and especially people. 
Search our hearts and dare to ask the difficult but life-saving questions.

1. Do you feel empty?
2. If no, what answers do you have?
3. If yes, what is the answer to your emptiness?
4. If you find this question irrelevant, why?
5. If you have more questions, read the book of Jeremiah. 
You will experience for yourself the heart of a holy God, who loves us and never want to see us walk after emptiness and become empty.
We are meant to run to the fountain of living waters!

Beauty shines from a healthy mind, soul and body

For quite a while, I didn't weigh myself cos the last time I weighed, I was more than 1 kg heavier than my usual weight.
I was like so sian and well, I carried on my usual routine of swimming once a week and eating as per normal.
I don't believe in dieting for vanity but I do believe in cutting down on food consumption and exercising more for better health.
With better health, we naturally look better and can function more efficiently for God's work.
I didn't notice the changes in myself, as in I try to eat healthier food when I'm alone. 
I didn't even notice that I have stopped buying that favourite brand of potato chips.
Potato chips had been my favourite junk food since I was a child.
Now when I do grocery shopping, I would buy cherry tomatoes and of cos grapes n fruits.
They become my 'tidbits' when the mouth is itchy.
My cell leader who is a doctor has this practice of not putting the gravy when ordering economic rice and I followed him cos the gravy from the other dishes is more than enough for the rice.
I was and still am aiming to swim twice a week, at least once a month cos to swim once a week is truly not enough!
But the after-effect of swimming is really challenging.
I would be in a panda mode: mind and body slow down and I have to try very hard to stay awake throughout the day since I swim in the morning.
During these months, when I'm with friends, we tend to eat rich food. 
I was like, aiyo, surely gain weight and it didn't cross my mind to weigh myself since I can't imagine my weight exceeding even more than my usual weight.
I came a long way from being nearly 10 kg heavier than my weight now before I learnt to swim.
That was my miracle!
Then my sister suddenly commented that I seemed to have slimmed down.
So today I weighed myself and to my surprise, I lost slightly more than 1 kg and is slightly lighter than my usual weight.
Yeah, back to normal and yes, I think it's possible to lose more weight if I persevere in exercising and being careful with what I eat.
I do eat as per normal when with friends as long as I make sure that I'm consistent with exercising.
I thank God for taking away my cravings for snacks so naturally and subtly that it was not a struggle. 
I don't have the urge to buy tidbits now though TimTam can be a little tempting :D
I'm now a social eater when it comes to eating tidbits.
Thank God that through Him I learnt to swim and it's because of Him that I will never give up this gift that He has given me.
Because of Him, I learnt to be consistent in exercising.
Now that's another miraculous story of how I learnt to swim because of my baptism.
Truly, life is a series of beautiful stories that can only be found in Christ! 
Suddenly, I'm reminded that assumptions make us not dare to do something or to make changes in our lives.
When I assumed that I was gaining weight, I didn't want to weigh myself.
And the outcome is so different from what I have assumed!
We assume that because God is loving and merciful, He will not discipline us when we sin.
We assume that we know God's word when in fact we don't even know Him.
We assume that when we stay in our tiny world and not venture out, we are safe but in truth, we have not lived life and are in a greater danger.
We assume that the lies of this world would not deceive us but with this assumption comes the greatest lie: we are already deceived.
What do we do with assumptions?
Test them with the word of God!
I'm so glad that the authority of God is in His word such that we don't have to look right or left but look straight into His word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us.
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.
What I do with my body reflects how I value this body that God has created.
For vanity or for health?
The latter anytime.
And then beauty shines from a healthy mind, soul and body.

Comfort food

Grapes has such a great sentimental value to me.

I don't think anyone peels away the skin of a grape now. 

After my surgery, my mum would peel the skin of a grape and put it against my lips as I wouldn't be able to eat or drink after the surgery. 

It was always sweet and refreshing and I guess the love of my mum made it so much sweeter and the pain a little bearable after the anesthesia.

After her death, suddenly I love to eat grapes. 

It is a comfort food for me, acquired over the years. 

It reminds me of my mum's selfless love for me.

It also reminds me of Jesus describing Himself as the Vine and we His branches. 

We can do nothing without Him.

Milo is my comfort drink.

When I was at my lowest and couldn't eat, Milo made my heart warm, at least for a while.

Now that I have Jesus, He is the ultimate source of comfort. 

Everything, everyone belongs to Him, including my mum whom He has given me.

Praise be to Jesus!   

Singapore is 50!

Blessed 50th birthday, Singapore! 
I remember praying with the kids for Singapore and quite a few prayed for Singapore to be prosperous. And so I added on...
Let our nation be a righteous one, always looking to the welfare of the poor, the elderly and the underprivileged. 
Let every life be counted as precious, from the unborn to the frail. 
Let more come to know the authentic love of Christ, that lives will be transformed, that our nation truly prosper in the love for God and His people. 
Let truth be told in love, let love be with purity and sincerity. 
Let us treat others as how we would want to be treated. 
Let us remember that we can receive nothing unless it has been given from heaven. 
Let the fear of the Lord be in each heart, that we choose life and not death, good and not evil. 
Thank You Lord for blessing Singapore all these 50 years. 
From this moment on, let us bless You, Jesus!

The sanctity of the family unit

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

The national policy that supports parenthood in the context of marriage needs to be weighed in as the government reviews benefits for unwed mothers. ("Review of benefits for unwed mothers"; July 29)  

In the White Paper on Shared Values (1991), "The sanctity of the family unit is not a value unique to Singapore. All major faiths consider this a cardinal virtue. The family is the fundamental building block out of which larger social structures can be stably constructed. It is the group within which human beings most naturally express their love for parents, spouse and children, and find happiness and fulfilment. It is the best way human societies have found to provide children a secure and nurturing environment in which to grow up, to pass on the society's store of wisdom and experience from generation to generation, and to look after the needs of the elderly. 

In recent decades many developed societies have witnessed a trend towards heavier reliance on the state to take care of the aged, and more permissive social mores, such as increasing acceptance of"alternative lifestyles", casual sexual relationships and single parenthood. The result has been to weaken the family unit. Singapore should not follow these untested fashions uncritically."

In view of that, benefits that are intended to support marriages and births within the context of families are given only to married mothers. The government recognizes that an intact family enhances family stability that in turn enables a child to thrive in a conducive environment. Such benefits should be differentiated from help rendered to unwed mothers.  

The family is the first line of support for anyone needing help. Whenever possible, the father should be actively involved in parenting the child as no mother can replace the equally important and yet unique role of a father. 

Unwed mothers can also seek help from private, religious and non-governmental organizations as the help needed can be wide-ranging. It is when the larger community is involved that people bond together and build a caring society. Governmental help is the last resort.

A child's well-being is affected powerfully by the structure of a family. When marriage is promoted and families are strengthened, women, children and the underprivileged would not suffer needless emotional and material hardships.

Adopt child-centred approach to maternity benefits

I refer to the letter “Benefits review a lifeline for single unwed mothers, who need more help” (July 31).
I, too, welcome the review of the benefits that single unwed mothers are eligible for as the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) seeks to enhance the support for the most vulnerable in society, namely children.
Unlike adults, who have more control over their circumstances and choices, children cannot choose the type of family into which they are born. The Government recognises the pre-political institution of marriage to support the right of every child to be raised by a father and a mother wherever possible. Marriage protects the needs of children and is a stabilising force in society. In cases where one parent is missing, children may develop academic, social and emotional problems, such as difficulty in developing relationships and forming families in future. Some may develop depression and exhibit behavioural issues.
The review is thus guided by the continued promotion of parenthood within marriage, where both parents play complementary roles in raising a child in a stable family unit.
In single-parent families, to what extent are the fathers involved in the responsibility of caring for the child? The family is the first resort, the first line of support for anyone needing help.
A father should not be excluded from his responsibility in the issue of single parenting. A child’s welfare is top priority and does not stop at physical benefits.
A child longs most for the love, care and guidance of both parents. No amount of benefits can replace the father’s unique role, nor a mother’s great love.
Furthermore, no one is penalised or discriminated against by not being given benefits. Singapore is not a welfare state, but that of a community helping one another and progressing together.
Single unwed mothers can approach private, religious or other non-governmental organisations for help, since the help needed can be wide-ranging. When the larger community is involved, people bond together and build a caring society.
Governmental help should be the last resort. As adults, we should take responsibility for our choices, bearing in mind that children suffer the most when one parent is missing.
Marriage should be upheld and families should be strengthened for the sake of our children and the larger society.
http://www.todayonline.com/voices/adopt-child-centred-approach-maternity-benefits