Swim into Baptism

Around mid December 2006, I accepted Christ into my life in a dramatic way.
Then, I wanted to be baptized with my friends before 2007 but I felt very unprepared.
It's really like getting married but it's too soon and the bride is not ready.
The bride was not ready to say yes in front of everyone and realizes that the Bridegroom is to be taken seriously and there's no turning back.
Well, another issue is: I'm scared of water baptism whereby I need to be submerged for a second!
When I was a kid in St Andrew's Hospital, I had hydrotherapy.
The physiotherapist held me while I was encouraged to move my legs in the small pool.
Unfortunately she went on talking to another physiotherapist until my head was in the water long enough to give me the idea that I was drowning.
I remembered struggling in the pool until she realized it.
That's it.
The fear of water was instilled in me as a child.
I even had problem washing my hair with my head down.
I felt most secure when my hair was washed with my head bent backwards.
The funny thing is, before I learnt swimming, I learnt sailing.
I sat alone in a dingy and used my hands to pull the sails.
I had great fun, was 'hit' many times by a yacht cos I was stuck in front of it...
I enjoyed being at sea, didn't really think about safety when the life jacket couldn't fit properly...
My mother used to say that if my legs were ok, she wouldn't see me at home most of the time.
She's right, haha though if my legs were ok, I would not have the opportunity to study until university.
Perhaps I wouldn't even thirst after God cos I wouldn't be desperate enough.
And so, in that one year before baptism, I brought a swimming board to the swimming pool near my house.
I held on to it and never dared to let go.
For two years, I did that and other exercises in the pool.
I had a 'rehearsal' with my friends to prepare self for baptism.
It's really funny when you think about it but the fear of water was so real and exaggerated.
Finally after two years, I couldn't tolerate myself holding on to that silly board any longer.
By God's grace, I found a super patient lifeguard who became my swimming coach.
When it came to letting go of his hand to swim on my own, that freaked me out.
I told him that I need to pray.
I practically screamed the name of Jesus into my mind and body as I finally let go and swim...
Words cannot describe that exact moment, that freedom to finally let go of a human hand and to cling on to a divine Hand, a Hand that cannot be seen but yet can be grasped.
Today, quite a few years after my first attempt, though my legs can't kick the same way as others do, though I swim at a much slower pace than others, I can swim 20 laps non-stop.
I don't have speed but I have stamina.
I don't have much skills but I have perseverance.
What gave me the idea to swim?
It's my water baptism, irrational as it seemed but it blossomed into a great miracle in my life.
Who gave me the strength and courage to let go of what I deemed as my security when it is His divine security that we should seek?
Thank You Lord, it's truly You and You alone.