Love requires sacrifice

This letter was sent to ST Forum but was not published.

I am appalled by the writer's view that because women are now independent and financially capable, they deliberately choose to bear a child but not marry its father. ("Unplanned teen pregnancies of greater concern", 12 Aug)

No matter how society has changed, the right of a child to a father and a mother does not change since both parents do not cease to play crucial and complementary roles in raising up a child in a secure and nurturing environment called a family unit. Permissive social mores, such as casual sexual relationships and single parenthood weaken the family unit. Singapore will do well not to follow these fashions uncritically. 

As a single woman desiring to have a child, it has never crossed my mind to trump my own desire over the need of my child to know and be guided by his father. I recognise that even if I can provide all the material needs of my child, I cannot replace this unique role of a father. Children are not merchandise. They are not to be wanted when we want them, to be aborted when we find them an inconvenience. Whether it is a teenager or a financially stable woman, we should not promote a culture whereby fathers are regarded as unimportant when they are the leaders of our families. 

In the case of unwed mothers, Singapore is not a welfare state.  When one has an 'entitlement' mentality, one equates not having benefits as being 'penalised'. In highlighting that best support is given to all Singaporean children regardless of their parentage, previous Minister for Social and Family Development Chan Chun Sing said, "The bulk of all our support focuses on the child at the centre, because we believe that the child is innocent and should be given the best support possible." ("Best support given to all children: Chun Sing"; Mar 15) 

Finally, love when rightly understood, is the willingness to suffer and sacrifice for the good of the other. For too long, we have asked children to sacrifice and to give up their right to both parents in cases of divorce or due to the bad decisions we made in life. We have literally forced children to act like adults. It is time that we as adults learn to sacrifice and to give up our desires so that our children do not have to sacrifice and to give up.