1st letter to our beloved Emmanuelle

Darling Emmanuelle, 

you are exactly 10 months old today! Last Sat when I saw you, you were frowning and trying to understand who I am. I think you are a thinker. Mummy said that you would "sayang" her when she is angry with you. You will grow up to be such a compassionate, sweet lady. Ah Yi can't wait to see you grow up! 

Then your mummy, you, my friend and I went to Funan Centre to have a break after my duty at LifeFest which lasted from 830am to 3+pm. I was totally exhausted and felt so hot. The aircon break was so good, what do you think, little babe? You finally had your nap there!

Then you woke up when I came to look for you at the Pregnancy Support booth. 

You started to nuzzle at my chest after I gave you my trademark loud kisses. 

You do remember how you kept leaning backwards for my loud kisses in that karaoke room right? I think you recognise my voice when you were in your mummy's womb. 

You got your name both from your mummy and me. Your mummy wants you to be a quiet, gentle lady. I proposed the Chinese character "恩" (Gratitude) when your mummy stayed in my house with you in her womb for a week. You are the only one with the Chinese character "恩" in our family. Your mummy loved the word. I was so happy that I have a part in naming you! But most importantly, God is in your name.

The next day at night, after the "high" of having a very beautiful testimony of the single mum from China (Love A Stranger Facebook Page), I was shocked to learn that your mum shared your story. I would have appreciated if someone had informed me beforehand but I guess no one thinks that I need to know. I have been trying to protect your mum, you and my family by not saying much about what had happened but since your story is out and is so one-sided, I pray that one day, darling Emmanuelle, you will get to hear the different viewpoints of all your family members. Most importantly, I want you to know the truth: God saved your life and you are loved and treasured by all of us in the family.

This was how they described your story: 

“...a 20-year-old single mum who was kicked out of her home, which she previously lived in with her dad.

Her dad had constantly pushed her to get an abortion but with the help of her friends, she eventually made up her mind to keep her baby. However, the tension at home and her own fears and confusion still left her feeling depressed and suicidal during her pregnancy.

Seeing her incredibly chubby and cute 10-month-old daughter sleeping peacefully, I was amazed and left in awe that such a difficult time could lead up to such a beautiful creation.

The young mother smiled as she happily told me that keeping her daughter was the best decision she ever made and one she was very proud of.”

https://thir.st/blog/lifefest-2019-child-chance-to-live/

I first saw you on the sonogram when you were 9 weeks old.

I always think you are a babe dropped from heaven to be my first internship in my passion for building a culture of life since 2015.

My first internship was most trying because they are all my family members.

No social worker should be involved in her own case though I'm not a social worker now.

I had no experience, no authority in my family hierarchy but because my sisters saw all my pro-life posts on my Facebook wall, they know I am for life.

My father, your grandfather is a traditional man. He is not for abortion. But because we have such a liberal abortion law such that you, my darling, can be aborted up till 24 weeks of gestation, many people, even Christians, see "ending the life of a baby" a legitimate solution to a "problem"/"mistake".

Your grandpa is in his early 80s. Besides the 5 of us with my mum, he has your mum, younger uncle and the youngest uncle at 8 years old. So baby Emmanuelle, you have an uncle who is in Primary 2. Grandpa divorced from your grandma (my step-mother) and has the sole custody of my 3 step-siblings, including your mummy.

Ah yi used to hate your grandpa. But now that I know Jesus, I see him like all of us, needing the love and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Baby Emmanuelle, your life is so precious. But so are the lives of everyone who is made in the image of God.

Will you forgive your grandpa?

He was wrong to suggest abortion and said all sorts of unkind words to your mum.

But he loves your mummy, all your aunties and uncles in his own ways.

He loves us by providing for us, including giving money to your mum.

Up till now, he still gives us money though we don't need it.

I think you may not remember all these when you grow older but now he looks at you with love, just like how he loves all your 6 other cousins.

I wrote a poem for you and gave you your baptised name Emmanuelle during my 40 days and 40 nights of time-out from my whole family.

You are so loved, blessed and always wanted, the moment I know of your existence.

None of your cousins had a poem from me, had such fervent prayers from me to Papa God to preserve your life.

Your Saviour is our Lord Jesus Christ.

You will grow up loving Him and in awe of His great involvement in your life, way before you were conceived.

You will praise Yahweh, for you are fearfully and wonderfully made,

Marvelous are His works,

And that your soul knows very well.

Your frame was not hidden from Him,

When you were made in secret, 

And skilfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

His eyes saw your substance, being yet unformed.

And in His book they all were written,

The days fashioned for you,

When as yet there were none of them.

(Psalm 139)  

Grow well, my sweetheart. Papa God watches over you, sends His angels to encamp around you.

You and mummy have been dedicated to God during my time-out period. I do see the fruit now, baby.

Your mummy and I love you so much.

I will tell you more in the next letter.