4th letter to our beloved Emmanuelle

Hey baby Emmanuelle,

I saw you last Saturday at the Volunteer Dinner but you looked frightened so I walked away.

I didn't want to make you cry.

Then I returned the call to your grandpa just now and though I have Bible study today, I agreed to a dinner with you guys to celebrate your elder uncle's 19th birthday.

Yesterday I spoke to my friend who is a mama about "stranger distress" in babies.

I think I need to have a cool face and maintain a distance between us to let you warm up to me.

I always get so excited when I see you such that I forget you are still a baby.

Then just now I read this article.

I think part of the anxiety in this whole family issue is this concern about your welfare.

I pray that I will never need to intervene in such a scenario.

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/emerging-from-the-shadows-of-childhood-sex-abuse

Ah Yi pray that Papa God and His angels will encamp around you and mummy.

On 21 April last year, we had our first Love Life Conference.

17 May was the day I learnt of your existence at 9 weeks of gestation.

On 27 June, I sat between a friend and his mother with this old bag on my lap.

On this bag was the engraved name "Emmanuel".

I bought this bag with a friend sometime ago and engraved the name there to remind myself that God is with me.

I don't need my name on my bag la.

That "Precious Feet" Lapel Pin was given away by a volunteer of the Conference while at the friend's house.
This pin is the exact size and shape of a 10-week unborn baby's feet. 
It never crossed my mind that I would be an aunt for the 7th time.
And so soon after going through the Conference.

It was probably then that I thought if you are a boy, Emmanuel can be your Christian name. If a girl which you are, then Emmanuelle.

Of course this is a proposed baptism name.

It was a name that pulled me through the time-out period when I surrendered to God as to whether you would come into our family.

I even put your name as my middle name for a period of time to have that assurance that God was with us.

It was the worst time to leave your mummy on her own when you were 10 weeks old, when so many people just pushed abortion to her as a solution.

But I was at the brink of a possible relapse.

I was angry with everyone for not helping to preserve your life.

The KKH Medical Social Worker dared to ask me why I was against abortion over the phone after my time-out period.

She asked if it is because of religion.

I said because you are a child.

Isn't this common sense?

Furthermore, my friends went through trauma after aborting their kids.

Who wouldn't?

Think abortion is throwing away a disposable cup?

But you are our darling, our flesh and blood.

I would help your mummy to preserve your life at all cost.

Your mummy is blessed to have friends to help her then.

As long as you and mummy are safe, I'm happy.

Whether you would be close to me in future, it really doesn't matter.

No matter where you are, as long as you are alive and well, Ah Yi is greatly comforted.

I see you tonight, baby.

I will be gentle with you and I pray that slowly you will get used to me each time we meet.

Love you so much, sweetheart.

Jesus bless you.