3rd letter to our beloved Emmanuelle

Hey baby, 

it gladdens my heart to see u and mummy in Instagram stories. 

Mummy and you are CUTE!

Ah Yi's friends just gave birth to a baby girl and looking at her so fresh out of the womb reminds me of you.

I will tell you your birth story very soon. Be patient ok?

Last Friday, a good friend sent me a text that seemed to accuse me of trying to get attention for myself based on what she saw and heard.

I was a little upset, felt guilty all over again and apologised to a friend whom I respected but praise God, she didn't even know what happened. Another friend, Z, also didn't know. 

At first, I felt like I have no face to go for the 630am prayer meeting because I felt like I am not helpful to the cause at this moment in my life.    

Z told me not to run away. Satan is trying to stop me from praying and speaking up. 

Her kindness led me to repentance.

She said, "Let go, learn and grow."

That's it. 

Accusations against brethren are weapons used by the evil one. (Revelation 12:10)

I am guilty of it too.

But Z's love covered my sins and reminded me of Adam and Eve who hid themselves from God. (Genesis 3:8)

Then Z treated me to WOW31's conference and I met quite a few beautiful ladies.

I was so surprised when the Pastor had a prolonged prayer and declaration on speaking up for the unborn.

It is a leadership conference and I was like, nay, I like being a follower.

But we are all leaders of our lives in that sense.

I learnt that when I persevered in saying "Yes" despite all the "No" in my flesh, God reveals.

I went to declare that life supporter prayer again.

Ah Yi is a persistent woman.

Good and bad.

I believe, I will meet these life supporters one day.

Emmanuelle, you are a living testimony of what God can do in one family because there is a life supporter.

Guess what? On my way home after meeting our family, I met a 17 years old girl who recognised me on CNA. She encouraged me despite feeling suicidal, having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and something else, I couldn't remember. I could tell that she was distressed but because she alighted and she was with someone else, we could not talk longer. 

She said that there is a greater stigma to being mentally ill and intellectually disabled than being physically disabled.

While there may be a little truth in that, we miss the point.

Firstly, she has no idea how much we went through and now still go through in having a physical disability.

Secondly, stigma can be self-perceived. 

Thirdly, because I know God, who cares about stigma now?

Public education is important but so is personal responsibility.

So Emmanuelle, people will say nasty things about you because of your circumstances.

But if you know God, you will look at everything using the lenses of God.

And that's why you have love letters from me.

I don't write all these for nothing.

Then on Sunday, I met another friend who is in Christ for more than twice the number of years than me.  

From WOW31, I learnt that if I continue to wallow in my own grief, I cannot be a useful vessel for God.

Life is so much bigger than I, me and myself.

I will focus on looking at things from an eternal perspective.

My friends, mummy, you and I will have testimonies with God.

It was wrong of me to intercept.

So since Fri/Sat, I have decided to lay all these down at the foot of the cross.

I will choose not to be upset with whatever I see or hear that is not true.

I want to start afresh.

Your life is preserved not for us to fight over but to steward with love and care.

So baby, I'm near you.

As long as mummy and you are safe and well, all is well.

Even then. Papa God is in charge.

He sees the beginning and the end.

He watches over all of us.

He Shalom all the chaos in our lives.

Love you, baby.