7th letter to our beloved Emmanuelle

Hello baby Emmanuelle,

Two days ago, I saw on Mummy's Instagram video that you can now walk with a baby walker!

10 months old and already walking!

Big baby's development is faster?!

Mummy sounded so excited and my heart is full, watching you so happy that you can stand on your  feet now!

What a relief it will be on Mummy because my dear fatfat, you are heavy!

I can't really carry you now.

Sometimes I miss the days when you were a newborn or a few months old and I could easily carry you in my bosom.

But let's learn how to hug ok?

When I meet you again, I will demonstrate to you.

Yesterday I finally went for the Wed prayer meeting after not going for a month.

It's actually once a fortnight.

Sometimes I find it hard to pray as a group but the two times I missed, I guess I felt I needed to get right with God first before I can intercede/pray for our nation.

Yesterday, we were blessed with apple pie made by a friend who came back from Israel.

A dessert after a prayer meeting made the heart sweeter.

Though there are many things that are not set right now, but I believe God has His timing.

When I left home at 24 years old, it was to escape a scene that recurred every day.

Your maternal grandmother, heavily pregnant with your mama, sat on the sofa with your grandfather in the living room.

My mother's tablet was there and I came home after work to face this scenario daily.

I started to go home late every night.

I contemplated packing my bag and never go back home again.

One day, something triggered and I left home for work and never went back again.

I used to scream at the mention of the word "father" when I was in the hospital.

I used to hate your grandfather.

Not so much of the things he did but more of the things he did not do.

I always felt like I came from a single-parent family.

I have an absent father.

So I can understand how your mama feels or even how you would feel as you grow.

Which is worse?

To have an emotionally absent father or a physically absent father?

I think both are just as bad.

But baby Emmanuelle, I want to tell you that we have an Abba Father who knows exactly how we feel, how we struggle and how we need His love.

Your grandfather, who is my father, does not have a father who loves him.

Though I have never asked him, but I only know he has a strong-willed mother?

I can't remember.

I was very young then.

So now I only have pity for my father.

He doesn't even want to know God.

So he does not get to experience the love of our Abba Father.

How do I introduce a godly father to him?

How to find someone who can talk to an 80+ man?

Will it be too late for him?

I pray that God will tell me or show me what to do.

So 19 years later after I left home because of your mama in your grandma's womb, I sort of come back to the family again.

Because of you in your mama's womb.

I left home because I couldn't imagine having to take care of young children from my old dad.

He was 60+ years old then.

Who would have babies at this age?

Well, Abraham had Sarah with him when he had Isaac.

But my dad, as I could already foreseen then, I just know their marriage wouldn't last.

Now I became involved again because you came into our family.

Now I can no longer run away because I am a child of God.

I left because of a child.

I came back because of a child too.

How humorous is our Abba Father.

How He gave me this heart for children when I used to "hate" children.

Children are so blunt in their words and they laugh in my face because I have the height of a child but the face, mind, heart and body of an adult.

I struggled so much with all these worldly views.

Until I learn to deal with it better in His ways.

So you my baby, like all your cousins, you would be nicer to people who look a little different.

After all, aren't we all different?

Your cousin, V used to say that if I grow taller, she won't be able to recognise me.

God used you, baby Emmanuelle, to bring us together as a family.

Not there yet but slowly, we are building again.

Love you, our happy baby.

Can't wait to see you again...