6th letter to our beloved Emmanuelle

My beloved fatfat,

Haha, can I call you this before you start understanding its meaning and may feel sad upon hearing me call you by this endearment? ;p
Wow, yesterday a Pastor from Emmanuel Assembly of God came to preach in church.
Emmanuel. God with us.
He preached about a wedding.
He spoke about miracles.
And guess what?
On Saturday night, I wrote to God, "Where's the miracle? Where's the impossible become possible?"
I felt like God was rebuking me in the Pastor's sharing the very next day!
I went for the altar call.
Ah Yi always thought that I'm a silly woman.
I'm a determined woman.
I'm a woman who is trying to understand my own faith.
But we walk by faith and not by sight.
Can I see and understand faith?
By faith, you were born.
I know all your vital statistics.
You were born on 9 December 2018, at 7:11am, weighed 3.668kg and was 53cm tall, delivered via C-section.
Mummy was admitted on Fri, 7 Dec.
You became too big so the doctor wanted to induce labour.
Mummy had been really well-fed such that you become our fatfat.
Many things happened during your birth.
But God is so good.
Perhaps I won't have the chance to be a biological mum so God let me go into the labour ward with your mama.
It was a tiring night as I tried to sleep in the chair.
I heard your heartbeat, loud and clear.
Your heart beat faster than that of an adult.
I couldn't wait to meet you face-to-face.
Your mummy and I have been imagining how you would look like.
Your mummy was in great pain even after the epidural.
The doctor wanted to try natural birth since mummy is so young.
I never knew that the doctor measures the dilation of the cervix by inserting her fingers inside.
I thought they use a ruler haha.
But it makes sense.
Compared to an equipment used during an abortion, our fingers are not damaging to our bodies.
I had to ask mummy to "Jia you, Jia you" when she was trying to push you out.
I think I was really traumatised by the whole ordeal.
Now I understand why there should be a husband in the labour ward.
A woman cannot bear to see another woman going through the labour.
We have the same reproductive organs!
When mummy was in pain, I felt the pain too.
Not physically but psychologically.
I wouldn't want to be in a labour ward with anyone anymore, unless I'm called to.
It is too much for my heart.
I saw the crown of your head.
The doctor used suction but you couldn't come out.
And so mummy went for C-section.
I waited outside the operating theatre.
There was code red sign.
I didn't know how many babies were in the theatre.
I just cried and prayed that you would be safely delivered.
The doctor looked like he had much to say.
You were in special care for two days.
They said you didn't breathe/cry when you were born.
Perhaps you were traumatised during the long labour process.
But Jesus heard my prayer.
You, our darling fatfat, is destined to be born into our family.
The evil one has no hold over you because I am my Father's child.
So Emmanuelle, see how God has been with us?
See how powerful one person's prayer is for the whole family?
There is much to say about your birth.
"If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven, give good things to those who ask Him!"
(Matthew 7:11)
I asked for you to be born into our family and God graciously gave you to us.
A wanted child, a beloved child. A child with a destiny in Christ.
You will grow up to be a woman after God's heart.
You are our second generation of Christians, bringing many of our family members to Christ.
You can, You will, because God can, God will, God loves.
Love you, fatfat.